The first diagram gives information on the quantity of books borrowed from different viilage libraries between June and September in 2014 and the second graph illustrates the proportion of types of book borrowed during this given time.

The first diagram gives information on the quantity of books borrowed from different viilage libraries between June and September in 2014 and the second graph illustrates the proportion of types of book borrowed during this given time.
Whereas the
Correct word choice
The
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first listed line graph depicts information on the number of
books
borrowed from different
villages
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village
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libraries between June and September 2014. The
books
were borrowed
in
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from
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West Eaton, Ryeslip, Sutton Wood and Church Mount libraries. Meanwhile, the second pie chart enumerates the proportion of book genres that were borrowed during that period of time. A glance at the first chart clearly reveals that the values of
books
borrowed in West Eaton, Church Mount and Sutton Wood
decently
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were decently
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inclined whilst the most appealing style of book to borrow was Fiction.
To begin
with, borrowed
books
from West Eaton and Church Mount exceeded their metrics from a solid 50 in June to a sharp 150 in September, coinciding at the very beginning and end of the listed course. Despite the tremendous depletion of Sutton Wood in August from 250 to 100, it eventually reached 300
at the end
. Regarding remaining values, the
books
borrowed in the Ryeslip encountered a modest downturn from 300 to 175. In stark contrast to the previous drift, the fiction genre placed a colossal room, comprising 43%. Seemingly, the History and Biography genres were borrowed on the same level, recording 14% each.
Whereas
the most unappealing book genre was Self-help, consisting of merely 10%, the Science genre was a little viral rather than the Self-help one, constituting
of
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apply
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19%.
Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 68%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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