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Writing Samples
Band 6

The first diagram gives information on the quantity of books borrowed from different viilage libraries between June and September in 2014 and the second graph illustrates the proportion of types of book borrowed during this given time.

The first diagram gives information on the quantity of books borrowed from different viilage libraries between June and September in 2014 and the second graph illustrates the proportion of types of book borrowed during this given time.
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Linking Words
Whereas the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 first listed line graph depicts information on the number of
books
Use synonyms
 borrowed from different
villages
Change the noun form
village
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 libraries between June and September 2014. The
books
Use synonyms
 were borrowed
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 West Eaton, Ryeslip, Sutton Wood and Church Mount libraries. Meanwhile, the second pie chart enumerates the proportion of book genres that were borrowed during that period of time. A glance at the first chart clearly reveals that the values of
books
Use synonyms
 borrowed in West Eaton, Church Mount and Sutton Wood
decently
Add a missing verb
were decently
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 inclined whilst the most appealing style of book to borrow was Fiction.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, borrowed
books
Use synonyms
 from West Eaton and Church Mount exceeded their metrics from a solid 50 in June to a sharp 150 in September, coinciding at the very beginning and end of the listed course. Despite the tremendous depletion of Sutton Wood in August from 250 to 100, it eventually reached 300
at the end
Linking Words
. Regarding remaining values, the
books
Use synonyms
 borrowed in the Ryeslip encountered a modest downturn from 300 to 175. In stark contrast to the previous drift, the fiction genre placed a colossal room, comprising 43%. Seemingly, the History and Biography genres were borrowed on the same level, recording 14% each.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the most unappealing book genre was Self-help, consisting of merely 10%, the Science genre was a little viral rather than the Self-help one, constituting
of
Change preposition
apply
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19%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 68%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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