IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people say that globalization and the growing number of multinational companies have a negative effect on the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position. Write at least 250 words

#people #globalization #companies #effect #environment #support #position
Some people may
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that
globalization
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a
lot
 of positive advantages for
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
 field
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for multinational
companies
.
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that, many people
relize
Correct your spelling
realize
realise
 that
globalization
also
 brings a
lot
 of drawbacks to the
environment
.
This
 idea makes me agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
globalization
 creates a new trend for some
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 in specific
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 utilize bigger resources or opportunities from another
country
 without thinking about the negative side
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
environment
. As we know, many multinational
companies
 have a reason for
expand
Change the verb form
expanding
show examples
 their
business
 from one
country
 to
anothers
Correct your spelling
another
. They have a
business oriented
Add a hyphen
business-oriented
show examples
 vision to generate more revenues from their
business
 that
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 needed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 expand their
business
 in the future. To achieve their vision, they need more
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 or markets from another
country
. These
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
needed
Add a missing verb
are needed
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their new markets and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will create more pore use of nature. Multinational
companies
 that have negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 usually
operating
Wrong verb form
operate
show examples
 and
selling in
Wrong verb form
sell
show examples
 mining or farming products
such
 as nickel, palm oil, and gold. In additional perspective,
business
Correct your spelling
business-oriented
show examples
oriented
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not always a bad thing for the
environment
 but it just
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
another chances
Replace the adjective
another chance
other chances
show examples
for ignoring
Change preposition
to ignore
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 sustainability. Many multinational
companies
 have
thinks
Change the verb form
thought
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 shifting to
green
Add an article
the green
a green
show examples
 economy like Apple and Samsung. They have removed the adaptor on their
brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
show examples
 phones as a first step, but there are a
lot
 of vendor factories that based in
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
 take
this
 as a new opportunity.
Hence
, we can see
globalization
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
 and positive
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 but in my opinion, there are a
lot
 of
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
 and
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 agree that these
phenomenon
Change the determiner
phenomena
show examples
 have more negative effects than positive.
Submitted by rasyidrahma13 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and coherence. For example, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided and make them more specific to strengthen your arguments. For instance, explaining how deforestation due to palm oil production impacts the environment would be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Develop a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position clearly. This will give your essay a more cohesive feel.
task achievement
Good attempt to address both the negative and positive aspects of globalization on the environment.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction that sets the stage for the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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