IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the goverment is responsible for crime prevention. Others think that it is individuals responsibility to pretocet themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #goverment #crime #prevention #individuals #responsibility #pretocet
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Protecting the public is a pivotal element of a thriving and vibrant society that contributes to the profitability of the nation. Some people argue that the citizens have to protect themselves from
crimes
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in my view, I think the authority has a liability to protect their citizens from misfeasance. Granted, there are some propitious reasons to think that individuals are responsible
to protect
Change preposition
for protecting
show examples
 themselves from crime.
For instance
Linking Words
, history is replete with cases which elucidate
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 significance of self-protection which restricts accidents
such
Linking Words
 as kidnapping from criminals followed by decreasing
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 chance to encounter dangerous situations.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is inevitable to lean towards the perspective which illustrates the importance of an individual's responsibility.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, considering that the rising malefaction in the world is indicative of deep social issues, we cannot disregard
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 difficulty of protecting oneself and
impute
Wrong verb form
imputing
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a
Remove the article
apply
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responsibility to individuals.
For example
Linking Words
, in a survey conducted in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, the study enumerated that a disparity of information between the nation and the public prevents the public from safety.
While
Linking Words
 some people who keep abreast of news and issues highly aware of the circumstances of
crimes
Use synonyms
, others who aren't familiar
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
are hardly know
Change the verb form
hardly know
show examples
 about the situations they have to circumvent.
Hence
Linking Words
, because of the difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 accessibility
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 urgent information, the nation has a liability to protect the public. To recapitulate,
regrading
Correct your spelling
regarding
show examples
 that not all
crimes
Use synonyms
 cannot be prevented by an individual's effort, the government should
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 extraordinary efforts to discourage a number of
crimes
Use synonyms
 to save people. Adapting to the new phases resulting from many social controversial problems
such
Linking Words
 as responsibility issues plays a significant role in the prosperity of nations and organizations.
Submitted by rainbowlck on

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Grammar and Accuracy
Ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct and avoid overly complex structures that can lead to errors. Proofread to eliminate minor errors.
Content Development
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. While your points are clear, illustrating them with concrete evidence can make your essay more persuasive.
Content Mastery
You have effectively discussed both views and provided your own opinion, which shows depth and balance in addressing the task.
Organization and Structure
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This aids in the reader's understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • legislation
  • law enforcement
  • social programs
  • comprehensive strategies
  • personal responsibility
  • proactive measures
  • security systems
  • community-based initiatives
  • neighborhood watch
  • workshops
  • socioeconomic factors
  • crime rates
  • underlying issues
  • poverty
  • education
  • unemployment
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