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Writing Samples
Band 5

These days, in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this? How could more people be encouraged to come into the teaching profession?

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Variety
Correct article usage
A variety
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 of jobs are
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 in the community nowadays. Doctors, technicians,
police
Correct word choice
and police
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 officers are all vital members
in
Change preposition
of
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 the society we cannot progress without. Teachers rank
the
Correct article usage
apply
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first in all countries around the world, as they are the keys
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 knowledge and learning. The world today is exposed to a decline in the number of knowledge givers.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed
a
Correct article usage
apply
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light on the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 and how could
people
Use synonyms
 be convinced to be involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the teaching profession. Some can explain their rejection
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 type of work by saying that the teaching profession gives a hard time to the person. She or he must realize wisely how to deal with the students' difficult and multiple personalities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, parents too should be treated in a way that makes them comfortable and happy about their children's academic life.
In addition
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, secondary
schools'
Change noun form
schools
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 students aren't easy to deal with, especially
they
Correct word choice
since they
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 are in their teen
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 stage.
For example
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, the child
in
Change preposition
at
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 that age keeps trying to show off his or her strong personality. Being stubborn to ensure his or her self is
also
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 one of the issues the parents themselves suffer from. Governments can increase the salaries to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to be teachers.
Furthermore
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, online and street advertisements can present the importance of that role in the community and how effective it is. Adding to that, interviews with old
people
Use synonyms
whom
Change the pronoun
who
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 were in one of the
days
Change to a genitive case
day's
days'
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 teachers talking about their experience is a great idea.
For example
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, these interviews could be presented in cinema halls and fuel stations.
To sum up
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, the globe recorded a decrease in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teaching
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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between
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many countries globally. The
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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 behind
this
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 is that
people
Use synonyms
 are seeing that
this
Linking Words
 profession is laborious.
Encouragment
Correct your spelling
Encouragement
 can be in many ways
such
Linking Words
 as providing higher salaries and effective advertisements in different places. In
Arabic
Add a comma
Arabic,
show examples
 there is a saying that says the teacher would be a prophet.

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logical structure
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. While you have covered the necessary points, the flow between ideas could be smoother. Transitional phrases and better paragraph organization can help. For example, instead of jumping from the challenges of teaching directly to solutions, consider separating these ideas clearly with distinct paragraphs.
supported main points
Ensure that you support your main points with relevant and specific examples. While you did mention teenagers' behavior and salary increase as reasons and solutions, using more varied and detailed examples would strengthen your argument. For instance, you could discuss specific challenges secondary school teachers face or provide data on how salary increases have worked in certain countries.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to maintain clarity and consistency in your ideas. Some sentences are a bit unclear and might confuse the reader. For example, the phrase 'She or he must realize wisely how to deal with the students' difficult and multiple personalities' could be clearer if rephrased to 'They must skillfully manage students with diverse and challenging personalities.'
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion effectively.
complete response
The essay covers both parts of the task: reasons why fewer people want to become teachers and how to encourage more people to join the teaching profession.
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