The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average English house.

The graph below shows the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie chart shows how electricity is used in an average  English house.
Firstly
, I am going to compare between the
summer
and winter. Starting with the
summer
time being noticeably lower than winter.
However
, what the
electricity
is used for makes a lot of sense because it is heating room and water you would not need that in the
summer
time at all.
Secondly
the kitchen tools
such
as ovens, kettles and washing machines. Moving on to lighting, TV and radio and the
last
place goes to vacuum cleaners, food mixers and electric tools.
Lastly
, to summarize everything winter is higher than
summer
in the typical daily demand for
electricity
due to
the fact that almost half of the
electricity
is used for heating rooms and water so typically you would not need the heating in the summertime at all.
Finally
, we need to take a look at why the cleaning tools are only 15% do we not need them as much or we can easily do the cleaning without
electricity
.
Submitted by alaanoudaltammaami on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words summer, electricity with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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