Some people believe that countries should produce the food to feed their population themselves and import as little as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that nations should provide
food
themselves and reduce number
of Change the article
the number
imports
. I agree with this
statement,
because decreasing Remove the comma
apply
imports
would positively impact on
the environment and expand Change preposition
apply
economy
of the country.
To start with, Add an article
the economy
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
imports
would mean less
Change the quantifier
fewer
emissions
thrown to
Change preposition
into
environment
and air. Delivering products to another country is feasible via plane, train and ship - each of which requires coal and carbon to commute. Correct article usage
the environment
According to
Kazakh National News, 40,000 planes solely imported food
commodity
to Kazakhstan in a year. Fix the agreement mistake
commodities
This
Correct pronoun usage
These
emissions
cause detrimental harm for
nature as gas Change preposition
to
emissions
set advent
of global warming and air pollution. Correct article usage
the advent
This
effect cannot be repaired, thus
slashing amount
of Add an article
the amount
imports
would be consecutive to environment
.
Add an article
the environment
In addition
to that, producing food
on
Change preposition
in
homeland
will boost Correct article usage
the homeland
countries
Replace the word
the country's
economy
. Local food
is not opted due
to Change preposition
for due
over-supplied
international market that Correct article usage
an over-supplied
incurs
hundreds of small businesses Verb problem
causes
run
out. Leaving local fabrics on Fix the infinitive
to run
market
as the only choice would increase Add an article
the market
demands
, employment and Fix the agreement mistake
demand
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
subsequently
. This
course of action encourages the development of new factories, farms
, and Correct word choice
and farms
promoting
agriculture to cultivate plants naturally. Wrong verb form
promotes
For instance
, trade commenced selling fruit and vegetable
grown within the farms of Almaty. Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
This
showed a a significant rise in city’s
Correct article usage
the city’s
economy
in just a month for
200%.
In summary, promoting local Change preposition
apply
food
woud
enhance Correct your spelling
would
economy
nationally and provide more Correct article usage
the economy
work space
for Correct your spelling
workspace
populace
. Reducing Add an article
the populace
imports
in
turn, would lower Add the comma(s)
, in
number
of Change the article
a number
the number
emissions
and preserve country
from global ecological problems.Add an article
the country
Submitted by zhaniya.azhdarova on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay covers the main points of the topic and provides a complete response. However, try to deepen your examples and explanations to make your points more convincing. For instance, provide specific statistics or studies to support your claims about environmental impact and economic benefits.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured and easy to follow. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using transitional phrases. Additionally, consider splitting some of your longer sentences for clarity and readability.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question directly and maintains a clear position throughout.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, framing the argument well.
coherence cohesion
Key points are well-organized and each paragraph presents a single main idea.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.