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Band 4

You live in a room in college which you share with another student However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation office at the college. In your letter:   Describe the situation   Explain your problems and why it is difficult to work Say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

#room #college #student #arrangement #work #accommodation #office #situation
Deae
Correct your spelling
Dear
 Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to complain regarding an accommodation. I live in
room
 number 354 in your hostel. I live with my
room mate
Correct your spelling
roommate
show examples
 David
whon
Correct your spelling
who
 is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 nice and hardworking person but we both have difficulties
while
 studying. I want to tell you that in our
room
 there is only one study table and during exam times we both
are struggling
Wrong verb form
struggle
show examples
 with studying
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 one table
as well as
 in our bathroom hot water provides only 30 minutes so only one person
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 their bath and in cold
weather
Add a comma
weather,
show examples
 we are not able to take bath properly. I would like to request you that kindly provide us extra study table.
Moreover
, please try to solve
hot
Correct article usage
the hot
show examples
 water issue in my
room
. I hope you understand my situation and try to solve these problems as soon as possible. Yours Faithfully, Sophia Brown.
Submitted by kaverigoti2209 on

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task achievement
Your letter provides a clear description of the situation and requests specific solutions, which is good. However, it would be more effective if you offer a more detailed explanation of the problems and why it's difficult to work. For example, you could elaborate on how sharing a study table impacts your exam preparations and studies.
coherence cohesion
The letter is generally well-structured but could benefit from clearer separation of ideas into paragraphs. For example, have a separate paragraph that fully describes the issues with studying, and another for the hot water problem.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread your letter to correct minor language errors, such as 'whon' instead of 'who is', and to ensure consistent use of tenses. This would help enhance clarity and fluency.
task achievement
Consider adding a polite suggestion about possibly changing the room if the above issues cannot be resolved, to give a complete response to your situation. This might help cover all bases and show a solutions-oriented approach.
task achievement
The tone of your letter is suitable for a formal complaint. You are polite yet clear about your difficulties.
coherence cohesion
You have included both greeting and closing statements, which are appropriate for the task and help maintain a formal tone.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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