IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe thay should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country #thay
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Some
people
 suggest that
people
 who have
professionals
Change the noun form
professional
show examples
 skills should
work
 in the
country
 where they received the training. Others believe that it should be free to
work
 in another
country
.
This
 essay
explain
Change the verb form
explains
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both opinions and why I support the latter idea. On the one hand, some
people
 believe that
doctors
 and engineers should stay and
work
 in the
country
 where training
done
Add the auxiliary verb
is done
show examples
.
For example
, students took
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 universities and learned at
regions'
Change noun form
regions
show examples
 hospitals, before they
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
doctors
. During
this
 period, they were given lots of
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. They have a duty to
work
 for
people
 who live in the area where they
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
. Research recently conducted by the Ministry of Health in
Japan
 discovered that the number of
doctors
 is decreasing rapidly and some rural areas' hospitals face a severe shortage of medicians. If
doctors
 stay in the same area where they learned, the lack of ones will alleviate.
On the other hand
, I believe there is a right to decide where they
work
. They can get a higher
salaly
Correct your spelling
salary
 jobs in foreign countries.
According to
 an article by Nikkei newspaper, the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
IT
engineers
Change noun form
engineer's
engineers'
show examples
 salary in the USA is three times higher than
Japan
's
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 year.
Therefore
, there is a trend to change their
work
 locations to seek better jobs, especially among younger generations.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
this
 trend can enhance the
work
 environment in
Japan
. Japanese companies may try to
restain
Correct your spelling
retain
show examples
 employees by
risigin
Correct your spelling
raising
 wages.
As a result
, it will be beneficial for professionals, even if they
work
 in
Japan
. In conclusion,
although
 there are some drawbacks that professionals
moved
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
 to another
country
, they should be allowed to choose their working environment.
Submitted by nao.bb0820 on

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task achievement
Your task response is generally well-developed and you have provided relevant examples. However, make sure to fully elaborate on your key points to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure and both an introduction and conclusion are present. However, there is room for improvement in how you link your ideas together within paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of information.
overall
Be mindful of grammatical errors and try to improve sentence variety and complexity to enhance clarity and comprehension throughout your essay.
task achievement
You provided relevant specific examples which strengthened your argument. This is essential for achieving a higher score in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which helps create a well-rounded piece of writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • training
  • society
  • economy
  • education
  • local skill shortages
  • public services
  • development
  • freedom
  • mobility
  • career opportunities
  • salaries
  • working conditions
  • skills
  • expertise
  • brain drain
  • developing countries
  • educational infrastructure
  • advanced
  • distribute
  • knowledge
  • innovation
  • global community
  • international collaboration
  • globalized world
  • sharing best practices
  • cutting-edge techniques
  • restrictions
  • mobility
  • incentives
  • mandatory service policies
  • balanced approach
What to do next:
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