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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the development of the horse over a period of 40 million years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the development of the horse over a period of 40 million years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #development #horse #period #million #years #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given diagrams illustrate the transformation of the horse
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
40
milion
Correct your spelling
million
 years time.
Initially
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 species
called
Add a missing verb
was called
show examples
 eohippus during the period of 40 million years. They had a smaller feature and
toes
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of hooves which inclusive of 5
toes
Use synonyms
 in each leg.
Move
Wrong verb form
Moving
show examples
 on to the 30 million time frame,
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 named
this
Linking Words
 animal mesohippus. They began to change drastically double the size than previous, surplus the
toes
Use synonyms
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 more hoof-like but
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 still distinct with only 3
toes
Use synonyms
.
After
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 years later,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
devolpment
Correct your spelling
development
seen
Add a missing verb
was seen
show examples
 in
such
Linking Words
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of habitant where their body
grown
Add the auxiliary verb
grew
show examples
 even larger.
Not to mention
Linking Words
, merychippus's
toes
Use synonyms
 almost entirely transformed into hooves
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the length of the legs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 much longer.
Finally
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 era, the modern horse is four times bigger than
initial
Correct pronoun usage
its initial
show examples
 size.
In addition
Linking Words
, they
also
Linking Words
 fully developed their hooves, and
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 legs
grown
Add the auxiliary verb
grew
show examples
 much stronger to adapt
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 running and endurance.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words toes with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • evolution
  • prehistoric
  • size progression
  • hoof development
  • toes transformation
  • limb elongation
  • species adaptation
  • significant change
  • comparative size
  • distinct differences
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