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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays a growing number of people with health problems trying alternative medicine and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicine #treatments #doctors #development
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These days people are opting
herbal
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for herbal
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 remedies over visiting
to
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apply
show examples
the doctor. I believe
this
 notion brings out negative development. Let’s explore the topic in detail. Aggressive diseases
such
 as cancer, Tuberculosis,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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asthma and so
on
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apply
show examples
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
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 scientific treatment in order to work effectively and efficiently because these health issues can easily spread in the body and might take
life
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the life
a life
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 of someone within a short span of time
whereas
 selecting
other method
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another method
other methods
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 of treatment could take time to shows results which could result in
death
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the death
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 of patients.
For instance
, people who choose medicines
recovers
Correct subject-verb agreement
recover
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 faster in comparison to patients who opted
other
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for other
show examples
 treatments.
Furthermore
, scientific methods are systematic in nature like if anyone is having chest pain, the doctor will suggest an x-ray to find out the real cause of the primary problem,
based
Correct word choice
and based
show examples
 on the outcome, he will prescribe medicines, but
this
 option is not available on the other method.
Moreover
, one major disadvantage is the potential for individuals to remain untreated for underlying health conditions. Ignorance of concealed ailments within their bodies could jeopardize their
overall
 health if left unchecked.
To conclude
, the increasing preference for alternative medicines and treatments presents both positive and negative implications.
However
, I firmly believe that the drawbacks of
this
 trend, including the risk of undisclosed illnesses and potential threats to individuals’ lives, are more pronounced.
Submitted by ali695313 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task response adequately by taking a clear stance that alternative medicine is a negative development. However, you should elaborate more on both sides of the argument to achieve a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and logically flows to the next idea. Some ideas feel disjointed and need smoother connections.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You provided some relevant examples, such as how aggressive diseases require scientific treatment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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