All over the world societies are facing growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adult. What are the reason for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?

There is no doubt that
obesity
is becoming a severe issue around the world.
This
illness has a harmful effect on both children and adults.
This
essay will explain the root and the measures we should take to remedy
this
problem.
To begin
with the reasons,
although
there are several roots to cause
obesity
, the most significant one is a change of diet.
People
tend to eat more fatty food compared to the past.
For example
,
whereas
, 50 years ago, fish and rice were the main dishes in Japan, now we enjoy a wide range of cuisines which contain more fatty ingredients and calories. Research recently conducted by the Ministry of Health in Japan discovered that about half of middle-aged
people
eat too much more than they need, which causes some physical problems, high blood pressure and
obesity
,
for instance
.
This
trend
also
has a critical impact on children, since they eat the same meals as their parents.
As a result
, the number of obese
people
between adult and younger generations is rising in Japan.
However
, I believe that by changing individuals' attention to their diet, we can alleviate
this
problem. The most beneficial way is to learn a practical eating order.
According to
an article by Nikkei newspaper, there is a clear difference in preserving calories, whether eating vegetables first or not. If
people
change their eating way and eat vegetables fast, they can reduce 20% of the total consumption of their meals.
This
measure can allow
people
to avoid eating too much and the total intake of calories will reduce naturally. In conclusion,
although
there are many causes of to rise
obesity
rate, we should tackle
this
problem through a change of human attention.
Submitted by nao.bb0820 on

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the task prompt with equal detail. Expand slightly on how the changes in diet and specific habits are affecting children differently from adults, if at all.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. For instance, better transitions between the reasons for obesity and the solutions could improve coherence. A more varied use of linking phrases can help.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and effective introduction that sets the stage for the discussion and a strong conclusion that summarizes the main points well.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant examples, such as the inclusion of the Ministry of Health's study in Japan and practical eating tips from the Nikkei newspaper.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sedentary lifestyles
  • Physical exertion
  • Fast food culture
  • Nutritional value
  • Public health campaigns
  • Food labeling
  • Metabolic factors
  • Emotional eating
  • Wellness programs
  • Recreational areas
  • Parental involvement
  • Coping mechanism
  • Caloric intake
  • Marketing regulations
  • Health risks
  • Nutritional education
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