IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at Queen Mary Hospital since its construction in 1960. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at Queen Mary Hospital since its construction in 1960. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #queen #mary #construction #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The maps above illustrate the transformation of Queen Mary Hospital from 1960 to 2000.
Overall
, the hospital
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fully expanded its
territorial
Replace the word
territory
show examples
 in 1980 and
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
developed its function as a
cancer
 specialist in 2000.
To begin
 with, in 1960, there were 3 various
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of buildings
besides
 the hospital, which were the shopping
centre
, farmland, and a shared
car
park
 area.
Then
, moving on to 1980, the shopping
centre
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
vanished and
altered
Add a missing verb
was altered
show examples
 into
pharmacy
Correct article usage
a pharmacy
show examples
 which was the expansion of
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
show examples
 building and
cancer
centre
 next to it.
Furthermore
, the farmland
also
Add a missing verb
was also
show examples
 renovated into
nursing
Correct article usage
a nursing
show examples
school
, even though the
car
park
left
Add a missing verb
was left
show examples
 untouched as it was. 20 years later, in 2000, the hospital gained its core speciality in
cancer
 treatment,
thus
, the
cancer
centre
 facility expanded and
taken
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 the land that
previously
Add a missing verb
was previously
show examples
 occupied as
nursing
Correct article usage
a nursing
show examples
school
.
As a result
, the
school
 was moved to next to
cancer
Add an article
the cancer
show examples
centre
 and built on top of
partially
Correct article usage
a partially
show examples
car
park
 area, which has caused its size to shrink
together with
 the
car
park
 zone.
To sum up
, the maps
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 that the hospital continuously
growing
Wrong verb form
grown
show examples
 within 40 years and successfully
advancing
Wrong verb form
advanced
show examples
 its function
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 adding the pharmacy,
cancer
centre
 and nursing
school
.
Hence
, the hospital did not stop until in 2000,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 confidently enlarged the
cancer
centre
 facility, which showed its speciality in
cancer
 treatment.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words cancer, centre, car, park, school with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • initial facilities
  • replacement
  • significant extension
  • absorbed
  • developments
  • introduction
  • adjacent
  • evolution
  • enhancing healthcare services
  • commercial spaces
  • medical facilities
  • expansion
  • modern healthcare needs
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