The culture of different places are now looking similar in modern times. What do you think are the causes of this? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?
In the present era, the diversity of
cultures
has decreased in some part
of the world. The cause of Fix the agreement mistake
parts
this
phenomenon is the advancement of the social medias
through globalization. I personally view Correct your spelling
media
this
as a downside of globalization as the world will lose some culture
heritages.
The foremost cause of the mixing trend of Replace the word
cultural
cultures
is the wide-spread
of Correct your spelling
widespread
the
social media. Reports said that the vast majority of people are having their lifestyles influenced by things they find on Correct article usage
apply
the
social platforms. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, a trending fashion in Korea will easily spread via internet
and not long after, other countries will follow the same fashion season. Add an article
the internet
Thus
, internet
platform is undeniably the major cause of the Correct article usage
the internet
reduce
of different Replace the word
reduction
cultures
.
As a result
, the variety of heritages will eventually vanish from their regions because the people will forget and not preserve them. For example
, many students in Indonesia have forgotten their national anthems even though, they remember all the song
of their Fix the agreement mistake
songs
favorite
overseas singers. Change the spelling
favourite
Furthermore
, with the disappearance of some heritages, humanity will also
lose the value of experiences. Overseas tourists will not pick an interest to go to another country, as they know that the countries have the same cultures
with
them and they will not get the new excitement of learning a new experience.
In conclusion, Change preposition
as
cultures
worldwide have slowly become similar due to
the enhancement of people’s connection via social media. I consider this
is
a negative trend because Change the verb form
to be
this
will reduce the globe’s diversity and the sense of experiences
.Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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grammar
There are some grammar and lexical issues. For instance, 'internet platform is undeniably the major cause of the reduce of different cultures' should be 'the major cause of the reduction in different cultures' and 'many students in Indonesia have forgotten their national anthems even though, they remember all the song of their favorite overseas singers' should be '... they remember all the songs of their favorite international singers.'
content
Your ideas are generally clear, but you could extend some points for better depth. For example, further explaining how social media dilutes traditional cultures may add weight to your argument.
conclusion
The conclusion could benefit from a more concise rephrasing of your main points rather than just repeating them. This would make your essay's ending stronger.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt and provided a clear stance on the issue, which is a key component of task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your organization is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the overall quality of your essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.