IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The culture of different places are now looking similar in modern times. What do you think are the causes of this? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?

In the present era, the diversity of
cultures
Use synonyms
 has decreased in some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the world. The cause of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is the advancement of the social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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 through globalization. I personally view
this
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 as a downside of globalization as the world will lose some
culture
Replace the word
cultural
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 heritages. The foremost cause of the mixing trend of
cultures
Use synonyms
 is the
wide-spread
Correct your spelling
widespread
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media. Reports said that the vast majority of people are having their lifestyles influenced by things they find on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social platforms.
For instance
Linking Words
, a trending fashion in Korea will easily spread via
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 and not long after, other countries will follow the same fashion season.
Thus
Linking Words
,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 platform is undeniably the major cause of the
reduce
Replace the word
reduction
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 of different
cultures
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, the variety of heritages will eventually vanish from their regions because the people will forget and not preserve them.
For example
Linking Words
, many students in Indonesia have forgotten their national anthems even though, they remember all the
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
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 of their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 overseas singers.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with the disappearance of some heritages, humanity will
also
Linking Words
 lose the value of experiences. Overseas tourists will not pick an interest to go to another country, as they know that the countries have the same
cultures
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
as
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 them and they will not get the new excitement of learning a new experience. In conclusion,
cultures
Use synonyms
 worldwide have slowly become similar
due to
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 the enhancement of people’s connection via social media. I consider
this
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is
Change the verb form
to be
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 a negative trend because
this
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 will reduce the globe’s diversity and the sense of
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
.

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grammar
There are some grammar and lexical issues. For instance, 'internet platform is undeniably the major cause of the reduce of different cultures' should be 'the major cause of the reduction in different cultures' and 'many students in Indonesia have forgotten their national anthems even though, they remember all the song of their favorite overseas singers' should be '... they remember all the songs of their favorite international singers.'
content
Your ideas are generally clear, but you could extend some points for better depth. For example, further explaining how social media dilutes traditional cultures may add weight to your argument.
conclusion
The conclusion could benefit from a more concise rephrasing of your main points rather than just repeating them. This would make your essay's ending stronger.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt and provided a clear stance on the issue, which is a key component of task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Your organization is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which enhances the overall quality of your essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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