In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It is not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people agree that if we want to decrease the amount of
crimes
we should study the reasons
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
led to crime like improper education or financial problems.
Also
, catching criminals and
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
them in jail
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
is not
a
Change the article
an
show examples
effective way to stop
cimes
Correct your spelling
crimes
comes
from being
attempt
Wrong verb form
attempted
show examples
. I totally agree with that as
this
method will decrease the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of
crimes
permenantely
Correct your spelling
permanently
and will lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safe and
effetive
Correct your spelling
effective
communities. First and foremost, knowing the root that led to
these crime
Change the determiner
this crime
these crimes
show examples
will help the government to deal with the cause and reduce the
crimes
Change the noun form
crime
show examples
rate. As it
know
Wrong verb form
is known
show examples
in medicine
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
you
ca not
Correct your spelling
cannot
show examples
treat an infection and create a vaccine if you do not know the cause, it
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
same with
crimes
understanding the facts behind these
crimes
will be the key to
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
from happening
againg
Correct your spelling
again
.
As a result
,
this
will increase the
safty
Correct your spelling
safety
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, and it will positively affect their image
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
of others.
For example
,
Submitted by okalqusay on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt and provides some relevant ideas about tackling the causes of crime. However, ensure that you fully develop these ideas with additional explanations, examples, and analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains some organization and attempts to provide structure. However, improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using transitions and linking words can help guide the reader smoothly through your arguments.
task achievement
Expand on the main points presented in the essay. More specific examples will enhance your argument and make it more compelling. Provide concrete cases or scenarios that illustrate your claims and strengthen your essay overall.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the author's position on the topic, which helps set the stage for the following discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to relate crime reduction strategies to real-life situations and general principles, which demonstrates an effort to engage with the topic in a meaningful way.
coherence cohesion
The comparison of solving crime to curing infections is a creative analogy that is effective in illustrating the point about understanding and addressing root causes.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • root causes of crime
  • criminal behavior
  • legitimate economic opportunities
  • enhancing educational opportunities
  • skills and qualifications
  • job prospects
  • economic disparities
  • social programs
  • economic empowerment
  • police presence
  • deter criminal activities
  • underlying issues
  • prison sentences
  • rehabilitate criminals
  • comprehensive rehabilitation programs
  • community-building efforts
  • social services
  • supportive environment
  • discourages criminal behavior
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!