IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Write about the time you first used a computer. What kind of computer was it? What were you using it for? Include specific details in your response.

#time #first #computer
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In my early twenties , I used a
computer
Use synonyms
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 first time. In
this
Linking Words
 era the
computer
Use synonyms
 was not very common, only wealthy people were able to afford it.
First,I
Linking Words
 was very lucky ,that I had a
computer
Use synonyms
 at that time and I remember the
computer
Use synonyms
 model was Pentium 1 ,which was one of the famous models at that time.
Second,
Linking Words
I used a
computer
Use synonyms
 mostly for gaming and I played many games like GTA,Sega games Need for Speed etc.
Also
Linking Words
, I use a
computer
Use synonyms
 for music and movies.I really enjoyed those days as these were my golden childhood days. In conclusion, I used my first
computer
Use synonyms
 as a desktop
computer
Use synonyms
 with
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a floppy disk and I mostly did gaming and other entertainment.
Submitted by shahroz99dev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, consider organizing your essay more clearly into paragraphs that separate different points and ideas. For instance, one paragraph for describing the computer type, one for your initial experiences, and another for your activities.
task achievement
To enhance clarity and comprehensiveness, use more transitional words and phrases to connect your ideas. This will improve the flow of your essay and help the reader follow your narrative more easily.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes the main points of your essay, providing a clear ending.
task achievement
You included specific details, like the computer model (Pentium 1) and the types of activities you used the computer for (gaming, music, movies), which help to create a vivid picture.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: