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Band 3

Write about the time you first used a computer. What kind of computer was it? What were you using it for? Include specific details in your response.

#time #first #computer
In my early twenties , I used a
computer
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 first time. In
this
 era the
computer
 was not very common, only wealthy people were able to afford it.
First,I
 was very lucky ,that I had a
computer
 at that time and I remember the
computer
 model was Pentium 1 ,which was one of the famous models at that time.
Second,
I used a
computer
 mostly for gaming and I played many games like GTA,Sega games Need for Speed etc.
Also
, I use a
computer
 for music and movies.I really enjoyed those days as these were my golden childhood days. In conclusion, I used my first
computer
 as a desktop
computer
 with
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a floppy disk and I mostly did gaming and other entertainment.
Submitted by shahroz99dev on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your logical structure, consider organizing your essay more clearly into paragraphs that separate different points and ideas. For instance, one paragraph for describing the computer type, one for your initial experiences, and another for your activities.
task achievement
To enhance clarity and comprehensiveness, use more transitional words and phrases to connect your ideas. This will improve the flow of your essay and help the reader follow your narrative more easily.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes the main points of your essay, providing a clear ending.
task achievement
You included specific details, like the computer model (Pentium 1) and the types of activities you used the computer for (gaming, music, movies), which help to create a vivid picture.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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