IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this? (Write 250 words.)

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Nowadays, there
had
Wrong verb form
has

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb had. Consider changing it.

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 been
discuss
Replace the word
discussion

The word discuss doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 regarding
weather
Correct your spelling
whether

The word weather doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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ecomcnic
Correct your spelling
economics

If you don’t want ecomcnic to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

has
develop
Change the verb form
developed

It appears that the verb develop should be in the past participle form. Consider changing it.

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 many
population
Change to a plural noun
populations

The singular countable noun population follows the quantifier many, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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 become wealthier including developed and developing
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities

It seems that community may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some believe that those who are living in developed countries are still not as satisfied as they were in the past. One significant reason why people are unhappy with their current lives is possibly
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 environmental issues. To expand
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the exploitation of natural reasons has played a crucial role in contributing to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 problem.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is reported that some
high class
Add a hyphen
high-class

It appears that high class is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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 individuals in the United States may prefer to use private jets that consume a higher amount of fuel, which can lead to increased air pollution.
Consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the majority of individuals will eventually have to look after their physical health issues
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as respiratory problems.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the harmful effects on environmental issues can serve as a lesson for the government to take action from
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 weakness by avoiding repeating the same mistakes in the future,
as well as
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 by raising the awareness of their citizens.
Second,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

social comparison is more intense in affluent countries. People frequently measure their success against others, which can lead to envy and discontent. Even if someone is doing well, seeing others with more wealth or status can diminish their sense of happiness. Work-life imbalance is another issue. Economic growth often demands longer working hours and increased stress. Many prioritize career ambitions over personal
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment

The spelling of fulfillment is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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, which can reduce
time
Add an article
the time
a time

The noun phrase time seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 for family, friends, and leisure-key sources of happiness. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the growth in economic development is successful in both developed and developing countries, there might be some ongoing conflicts or unsolvable problems in the society that can potentially affect their citizens’
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles

It seems that lifestyle may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.

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task achievement
Improve clarity by using more consistent sentence structures and ensuring all ideas are fully developed. For instance, elaborate on how social comparison or work-life imbalance leads to unhappiness.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to link paragraphs more clearly to enhance coherence. Using transition words or phrases could help connect ideas more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, maintaining a clear overview of the issue discussed.
task achievement
The examples used, such as environmental impact through private jets, illustrate the main points well, even if more detail is needed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Material wealth
  • Affluent societies
  • Social cohesion
  • Isolation and loneliness
  • Work-related stress
  • Professional expectations
  • Aspirations and reality
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainability
  • Consumerism
  • Comparison
  • Life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Community relationships
  • Sustainable development
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