IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this? (Write 250 words.)

I believe that, in light of competition that has increased rapidly, citizens in industrialized nations must enhance
skills
Correct pronoun usage
their skills
show examples
 and adapt quickly
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
show examples
 up with economic growth.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 many people in developed countries report lower levels of happiness compared to previous degeneration. One key reason for the decline in delight is that material wealth does not guarantee emotional
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
. As individuals in developed countries accumulate more possessions and enjoy a higher standard of living, they often experience more pressure, stress, and isolation. Modern lifestyles are often fast-paced and competitive,
living
Verb problem
leaving
show examples
 less time for social connection and mental health.
Additionally
Linking Words
, rising income inequality can lead to dissatisfaction, as people constantly compare themselves to others who appear more successful. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 economic growth brings clear benefits, it does not automatically result in greater happiness. Societies should aim to strike a balance between financial progress and emotional well-being to ensure
long- term
Correct your spelling
long-term
show examples
 quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide clearer examples of how economic growth affects happiness in both developed and developing countries.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point that supports your argument so that it's easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Add transitional words to help the flow of your ideas, like 'however', 'furthermore', or 'moreover'.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the issue and sets up the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
You presented a thoughtful conclusion that reflects on the ideas discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Material wealth
  • Affluent societies
  • Social cohesion
  • Isolation and loneliness
  • Work-related stress
  • Professional expectations
  • Aspirations and reality
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainability
  • Consumerism
  • Comparison
  • Life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Community relationships
  • Sustainable development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: