IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this? (Write 250 words.)

#times #growth #countries
Currently,
this
 main issue has been mostly debatable about the growing economic countries that have many rich
people
 in developed and developing countries. I am confident that those
people
 are not enjoyable or cheerful when compared with the past, and I will describe why
this
 is, in the next paragraph. It is true, that money is cloud nine that can purchase everything whenever you demand special stuff or significant things, and they are comfortable for retaining psycho-health when you confront awful stories from work or situations.
Nevertheless
, increasing economic industries in each country have had influential impacts on some
people
, who become luxury
people
 but have not been joyful with high earnings or priority in other welfares,
such
 as healthcare, rights protection, and tax, including security system. From the data before, many
people
 have been uncomfortable with becoming richer because economic growth constantly increases. It is not only
people
, who have to face pressure from the HQ boss to improve our country, but
people
also
 have to do hard work to compete with opponent countries when compared with the past.
This
 is the reason why many
people
 have no enjoyment even though they are rich or billionaires. In conclusion,
this
 issues I realize that even though you have money as 100 million baths from the growing economy, you can’t purchase happiness from your inside mind.
Therefore
, you should save money after you retire from work, and save salaries to travel to tourist attractions or special places.
Furthermore
, you should make something that you love to develop yourselves to be happy in the beautiful present and the future.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Make sure to clearly present your main points in separate paragraphs to enhance clarity and flow.
Content
Include more specific examples and data to support your arguments. This makes your essay more persuasive and engaging.
Language
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language proficiency and to keep the reader engaged.
Topic understanding
You have successfully addressed the topic and provided an overview of the key issue.
Conclusion
The conclusion efficiently summarizes your viewpoints and suggests a personal perspective on the solution.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: