IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this? (Write 250 words.)

It has been years that many
people
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, both in developing and developed nations, have become wealthier because of the growth of the economy.
However
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, those in developed
countries
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 in the past were happier than in the present. The reason for
this
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 might be because the number of competitors, in the business term, who are from developing
countries
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, has increased over time, and
this
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 creates more pressure and uncertainty for many
businesses
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 in wealthy nations. Because of
this
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,
people
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 can learn how to differentiate themselves and how they can beat the
market
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. The reason for economic growth is that
businesses
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 perform very well commercially, which
then
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 makes many
people
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 become richer.
And those
Correct word choice
Those
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 who are from developing
countries
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 would be able to open or expand their
businesses
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, and in turn, they would be able to compete with others from developed
countries
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 and put more pressure on them until they become uncertain about being the
market
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 leader. Business expansion is the key factor in
this
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 essay because when
people
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 have learnt more about the impact of higher competition over time, they could start increasing as many skills as possible to maintain
high
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the high
a high
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 quality of their products or services, to ensure that they eventually could protect themselves from macro-competitive and still being in a good position in the
market
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. In conclusion,
people
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 are getting wealthier when the worldwide economy is becoming stronger;
however
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, more
businesses
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 from developing
countries
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 would be able to compete with richer ones in wealthy nations to get stressed and become uncertain, compared to in the past which were less competitive. Gaining skills might be the key learning point from
this
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 story for major
businesses
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 in all industries to try differentiating and improving their products or services, in order to keep being in the
market
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.

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coherence and cohesion
The essay addresses the prompt but could benefit from clearer links between the ideas presented. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
While your ideas are relevant, providing specific examples or statistics could strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be more engaging. Consider rephrasing it to better capture the reader's interest from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main argument of the essay. This can help improve the logical flow of your ideas.
content
The essay presents a clear argument regarding the impact of economic growth and competition on happiness.
content
You demonstrate an understanding of the main issues related to economic growth and competition.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Material wealth
  • Affluent societies
  • Social cohesion
  • Isolation and loneliness
  • Work-related stress
  • Professional expectations
  • Aspirations and reality
  • Environmental degradation
  • Sustainability
  • Consumerism
  • Comparison
  • Life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Community relationships
  • Sustainable development
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