IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The prevention of health problems and illness is morr important than treatment. Governmet funding should reflect this. To what extend do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #morr #treatment #governmet
The reduction in
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
issues
 and illness is more crucial than finding
treatment
 and prescription. I completely agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
given
Add an article
the given
a given
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 point because if the cause of
problem
Add an article
the problem
show examples
 is treated before
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 the prescription and
treatment
 will not be needed. To embark
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, authorities must consider and evaluate the
issues
 because of which the diseases are spreading and take strict actions to minimize the problems. The primary cause of
health
 problems comes from the
air
 we breathe in.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should start allocating some portion of
fundd
Correct your spelling
funds
funded
 to improve
air
 quality which will help in
reduction
Add an article
the reduction
show examples
 of
health
 problems. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
,
according to
 the newspaper 'Times India' stated that about 60% of
health
issues
 arise because of
air
 pollution.
Moreover
,
due to
 the lack of hospitals and medical
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 near rural areas, people have to go far away from villages to cuties to take medication and it takes
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of time.
Therefore
, in these parts of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 government must do
health
 awareness programs which will help residents
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stay fit.
For instance
, a survey conducted by
an
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a
show examples
health
 organization in
india
Change the capitalization
India
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 reported that many individuals living in rural areas are suffering and
hav
Correct your spelling
have
 no nearby place to go for
treatment
. To recapitulate, the government should prioritize
to improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
health
 and fitness
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 medication and
treatment
. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 more important to reduce the effects which cause certain
health
issues
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
authorities should try to improve
air
 quality and run
health
 programs in rural areas.
Submitted by Xyz person  on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and transitions smoothly between points. This can be achieved by using linking words or phrases like 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'In addition', and 'Finally'.
task achievement
For task achievement, it's important to fully develop your ideas and provide specific, relevant examples. While your examples are relevant, you can make them more detailed to enhance the effectiveness of your argument.
grammar spelling
Pay attention to minor errors in spelling and grammar. Make sure to proofread your essay before finalizing it. Tools like grammar checkers can also help in catching these mistakes.
task achievement
To make your points clearer, you can elaborate more on how prevention measures directly contribute to reducing the need for treatment. For instance, explain mechanisms or policies that have been successful in other regions or countries.
task achievement
Your essay clearly addresses the importance of prevention over treatment and provides relevant reasons and examples to support this view.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
supported main points
You have made an effort to support your main points with examples, such as the newspaper and survey references, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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