IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyle and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #illnesses #lifestyle #diets #health #care
There is no denying the
facts
Fix the agreement mistake
fact
show examples
 that
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 lifestyle and
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 diet
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to several
health
 problems
while
 it is commonly held belief that unhealthy habits and laziness are the main factors of
health
issues
 there is
also
 an argument that
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 lifestyle
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 the main
cause
 of
health
issues
.
To begin
 with bad diet can
cause
 several
health
Correct your spelling
issues
issuses
Correct your spelling
issues
in other words
 consuming
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of sugar can
cause
 diabetes which can
cause
 lots of
health
 problems in the future
such
 as kidney damage so in
this
 way people who
ate
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
bad
Change the word
badly
show examples
 when they
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 young will pay the value in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 old age
in addition
 to
this
 people who were lazy will experience physical
issues
for example
 bone
issues
 on the other
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task achievement
Your essay raises some valid points regarding unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets, but it's important to fully develop these ideas. Ensure you address the main argument more clearly and completely.
coherence cohesion
Try to structure your essay more logically. Use paragraphs to separate different points and ensure that each point leads naturally to the next.
coherence cohesion
Always begin with a clear introduction that outlines your main arguments, and finish with a conclusion that summarizes your points.
task achievement
Your essay topics are relevant and directly related to the prompt. You provide examples, like the link between sugar consumption and diabetes, which reinforce your arguments.
task achievement
The examples you use, such as diabetes due to sugar consumption, are specific and relevant, which adds weight to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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