IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that there will be an increased dependence on intelligent robots in the future. Others think that robots will have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #dependence #robots #future #effects #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
On a large scale , the progress of
robots
Use synonyms
 and
artifitial
Correct your spelling
artificial
inteligence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 was astonishing in the past century . At first sight , maybe it would be horrifying to think about the progressive role that
robots
Use synonyms
 are playing in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
That is
Linking Words
 because
fictional
Change preposition
of fictional
show examples
 movies we have seen in past years ,
Perhaps
Fix capitalization
perhaps
show examples
. But I think
advance
Add an article
the advance
show examples
 of robotic technologies is not a bad thing . In my
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
robots
Use synonyms
 are more precise and faster than humans
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are important factors in everything . They can take the responsibility of so many jobs that people can not do at all or can do them in a more effective way at least . Using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
robots
Use synonyms
 can lead to less traffic and less air pollution too .
In addition
Linking Words
 to what has already been mentioned ,
robots
Use synonyms
are not get
Change the verb form
do not get
show examples
 tired , As humans
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
. They can have unlimited energy and do not need to rest . The cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 doing jobs with
robots
Use synonyms
 can be lower too .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , some may say that If we hand over everything to machines it may cause
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of a lot of occupations and make many individuals unemployed , which is not a
currect
Correct your spelling
correct
current
 idea as I see it . At
Linking Words
last
Add a comma
last,
show examples
 machines can not do
litterally
Correct your spelling
literally
 everything . As another negative effect , we can mention that leaving everything to mechanical beings may result in humans
get more
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 lazy and less interested in working which can create mental crises in persons .
Overall
Linking Words
 , I believe dependence on intelligent
robots
Use synonyms
 is a beneficial and useful happening and at least for now , I
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 feel bad about it and I like to hear more about their advance in future .
Submitted by pouria.sharifzad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

writing
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'artifitial' instead of 'artificial' and 'currect' instead of 'correct.'
content
Develop your points with more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention specific industries or tasks where robots are beneficial.
structure
Ensure to use appropriate linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, which will improve the overall flow and cohesion of your essay.
content
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the potential benefits and drawbacks of increased dependence on intelligent robots.
content
The conclusion clearly states your opinion, summarizing the main points effectively.
content
The essay covers a range of ideas and arguments, demonstrating a good level of critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: