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Band 4.5

Compared to the past, more people are now studying abroad because it is more convenient and cheaper than before. Do you think this is beneficial to the foreign student's home country? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#people #student #home #country #support
• There is no denying the fact that a lot of students are studying abroad
due to
 the affordable education and the comfortable environment in
this
 essay I will analyse the impact on the student’s original
country
 and I will demonstrate my point of view.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think more students are studying outside their
countries
due to
 a better education process which can evolve their knowledge and confidence and skills
however
 studying outside your
country
 and far from your family has lots of advantages and disadvantages and I will analyse both points
firstly
 the student will be responsible
in other words
 they will have the control of hundred
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of their lives which help in evolving the personality they can wash the clothes and clean the house and be fully independent .
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 they can have
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of free time and use it to learn
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of stuff and these things lead to
upgrade
Wrong verb form
upgrading
show examples
 the student’s home
country
thirdly
 they will meet people from different nationalities which can help to expand their knowledge of other
countries
 and have knowledge of various cultures
secondlyI
Correct your spelling
secondly I
secondly
 believe that having employees who get educated outside the
country
 can help the
country
 to grow more because the citizen got a high education level. •
In contrast
, there are a few problems
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 it
firstly
 some
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can not adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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foreign people and they get depressed and anxious. • In conclusion, student react in a different way some of them can harm their
countries
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others can be useful for their
countries
.
Submitted by amjadalsamman on

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure your essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas. Each main point should be in its own paragraph, supported by specific examples.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your ideas and support them with relevant examples. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
language
Work on your language accuracy by avoiding run-on sentences and ensuring proper grammar and punctuation.
content
You have mentioned several relevant points about the benefits of studying abroad for the home country, such as improving skills and knowledge, and experiencing different cultures.
content
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad, showcasing a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • brain gain
  • valuable skills and knowledge
  • economic benefits
  • international trade
  • cultural ambassadors
  • foreign cultural perspectives
  • advanced research
  • innovation and development initiatives
  • diplomatic relationships
  • global mindset
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