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Band 7.5

Women are better at childcare than men, therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their work life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#women #childcare #men #focus #children #work #life
In the contemporary world, both parents are working in a family and the families tend to be nuclear too. Some people argue that mothers are better caregivers of their children than fathers,
hence
 females should concentrate more on the upbringing of the offspring rather than on their work. I am of the opinion that
this
 statement is not a reflection of a progressive society and the reasons are explained below. To commence,
women
 are better carers because of their empathy towards what they do. But
this
 is not an excuse for men to evade the responsibility of childcare. Sharing household jobs will definitely promote the unity of the family and assures trust between partners.
For instance
, developed countries have
such
 social situations and, thereby, marital success is higher in those regions .
Hence
, it can be observed that child-rearing is not solely relied upon by
women
.
In addition
,
women
 can enjoy more economic freedom and improved mental health if they can balance child care and work.
This
 is a primary requisite for the proper environment in which a child grows. There is much evidence for
this
 via scientific studies by various family medicine fraternities.
Thus
, there should not be any forced prioritisation for the ladies.
On the other hand
, there are arguments favouring
women
 indulging in the upbringing of children. In arab countries, most of the
women
 are stuck in the house to look after the children and elderly. They argue that
this
 gives proper care for them.
However
, the reasons for which, females need not focus on child care are stronger than
this
.
To conclude
, it is not practical to keep mothers at home and men are working alone in the modern world. The above-mentioned reasons are compelling enough to accept that they should have a work-life balance. Governments should assist them in looking after future citizens by providing more daycare centres and nurseries.
Submitted by krishnabalu1984 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task, but it can benefit from the inclusion of more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
There are a few small grammatical errors which slightly hinder the clarity of expression. Consider revising for grammatical accuracy and smoother transitions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a coherent structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The arguments presented are relevant and address different perspectives of the topic effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inherent qualities
  • empathy
  • patience
  • nurturing abilities
  • social and historical context
  • primary caregivers
  • gender roles
  • gender equality
  • professional advancement
  • stigma
  • balanced approach
  • mental and emotional development
  • economic implications
  • gender pay gap
  • financial independence
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