In some countries, small town-centre shops are going out of business because people tend to drive to large out-of-town stores. As a result, people without cars have limited access to out-of town stores, and it may result in an increase in the use of cars. Do you think the disadvantages of this change outweigh its advantages?
There is no denying that modern technology has been significantly promoted by the development of technology.
Consequently
, more individuals tend to shop in larger suburban shops rather than urban retailers, leading to an increase car
Change preposition
in car
ueage
and a decline in smaller urban stores. Correct your spelling
usage
While
some people
look upon this
trend as a positive progress, others view it as an overall
negative development. From my perspective, the potential drawbacks driven by this
tendency have
outweigh the benefits, and the reasons will be thoroughly elaborated in the following paragraphs.
Unnecessary verb
apply
To begin
with, one significant factor contributing to the belief is the inconvenience faced by people
without cars
. To be more specific, people
who have limited access to personal transport methods have to spend more amount of time taking public transportation to reach the distant
larger shopping center, especially when they require specific items that Correct word choice
apply
only
Add a missing verb
are only
sale
Replace the word
sold
in
suburban wholesalers. Change preposition
by
For instance
, the elderly, disabled people
, and the poor who unable
to afford a Add a missing verb
are unable
car
, need to spend hours by buses
or Fix the agreement mistake
bus
trains
to reach the countryside shops, making Correct subject-verb agreement
train
purchase
more costly than before.
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
Additionally
, this
behavioral transformation also
exacerbating
social segregation. To be more specific, customers without Wrong verb form
exacerbates
cars
often
Add a missing verb
are often
also
the same group of people
in lower economic srtata
, and Correct your spelling
strata
due to
the limitations of transport, they can only shop in the smaller downtown shops with fewer options. On the other hand
, wealthy residents who own their cars
, are allowed to travel far to the countryside wholesalers, engaging the discount prices and more selections, ultimately leading to a distinctive society. Moreover
, under the increasing utilitation
of Correct your spelling
utilisation
utilization
Add an article
the automobile
an automobile
automobile
, the demand for Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
car
production mutually showed upward
trend, inevitably producing more Add an article
an upward
pollutant
, Fix the agreement mistake
pollutants
such
as carbon dioxide and other waste by-products. Coupled with
the increase
emission of polluted gases generated during Replace the word
increased
car
operation, both directly and indirectly poses
harm Correct subject-verb agreement
pose
on
humans and wildlife.
Change preposition
to
However
, others argue that the purchase preference progress
potentially leading to suburban advancement. After major shopping Correct subject-verb agreement
progresses
center
nestled in Fix the agreement mistake
centers
the
underdeveloped regions, it Correct article usage
apply
subsequently
brings more infrastructures
, including roads, Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
lightnings
, and public Change the wording
lightning
flashes of lightning
bolts of lightning
transportations
. Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
Although
this
trend causing
more drawbacks than positives, the benefit aspects cannot be negligent.
In summary, despite there are Wrong verb form
causes
undoubtly
some potential Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
progressing
in suburban development, the negatives including inconvenience to the weak and the poor have Replace the word
progress
lead
to Wrong verb form
led
a
Change the article
an
inequal
society. To address Correct your spelling
unequal
this
, the government sould
support Correct your spelling
should
could
people
without cars
to even the exacerbating social distinction.Submitted by iih310614 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
spelling and grammar
Ensure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors. For example, 'usage,' 'strata,' and 'utilization' were misspelled.
sentence structure
Work on improving sentence structure and coherence. Some sentences are lengthy and could be clearer if broken down or rephrased. For instance, this sentence could be clearer: 'For instance, the elderly, disabled people, and the poor who unable to afford a car, need to spend hours by buses or trains to reach the countryside shops, making purchase more costly than before.'
linking words cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
use specific examples
While each argument is supported, make sure to use specific examples or data to back up points more effectively. This can strengthen your argument and demonstrate a higher level of critical thinking and analysis.
introduction and conclusion
The essay provides a thorough introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
balanced discussion
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which indicates a balanced discussion.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.