Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive development?
A significant number of developing
countries
are currently expanding their tourist
industries
because this
is an industry which brings a mass financial benefit to a nation. It is both negative and positive development
that I shall explain in more detail in this
essay.
To begin
, it is clear that
developing countries
have lots of mysterious things in their cultures and landscapes, which have not been explored much before. Additionally
, tourist
industries
are becoming a global trend. It will bring a huge benefit economy of all countries
if they exploit well this
field. These favourable conditions have encouraged developing countries
to expand their tourist
industries
.
On the other hand
, we can see that this
development
is not only positive but also
negative. It helps to increase jobs for local people as well as
travel markets for businesses and introduce the culture of these nations to the world; However
, it also
contributes to the polluted environment. To illustrate, my country also
is currently developing our tourist
industries
. This
has helped students to find part-time jobs in coffee shops or restaurants more easily. Companies active in the air transportation field, F&B, and accommodation have grown strongly. Thanks to this
more and more many people from different countries
know Vietnamese culture. Opposite, a vast number of visitors is leading to the growth of transportation and trash that causes a negative effect on the environment such
as air and noise pollution.
In conclusion, several developing nations are currently growing their travelled industries
because they provide new fertile markets in the tourist
field, moreover
, tourist
industries
are high-profit ones. This
is both a positive development
for the economy and a negative development
for the environment.Submitted by writingeilts on
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coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are clearly present, the essay can benefit from a clearer structure with more definitive paragraphs for each key point. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
To strengthen your task response, try to incorporate more specific details and statistics (if possible) to support your statements about financial benefits and environmental impact. Adding such examples can make your argument more compelling.
coherence
Some of your sentences are quite lengthy and could be broken down or restructured for greater clarity. Shorter sentences are easier to understand and reduce the risk of grammatical errors.
task achievement
Make sure to relate each example directly back to the question. For instance, when talking about job opportunities for students, explicitly link it to how this contributes positively to the development of the tourist industry.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction that sets the stage for your discussion and a conclusion that summarizes your main points well.
comprehensive view
You present a balanced view by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of expanding tourist industries in developing countries.
explanation
The examples given, like those about job opportunities for students and the growth of companies in the F&B and accommodation sectors, effectively illustrate your points, even though they could be more detailed.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example