Obesity is a major healthy problem. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done to solve this problem?

#obesity

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Most people have a diet habit is unhealthy.

However

Linking Words

, it has a relative with overweight and leads to Obesity

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I need to discuss to causes and find the way to solve

this

Linking Words

problem. The first one, in many countries, there's a cultural tradition of celebrating with unhealthy

food

Use synonyms

For example

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, children often enjoy eating fast

food

Use synonyms

and soft

drink

Fix the agreement mistake

drinks

show examples

, like fried chicken and

coca cola

Correct your spelling

Coca-Cola

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. When special day celebrating in school. like New

year

Capitalize word

Year

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party day

also

Linking Words

receiving awards.

However

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, fast

food

Use synonyms

and soft

drink

Fix the agreement mistake

drinks

show examples

are high in fat and sugar. Which,

contribute

Correct subject-verb agreement

contributes

show examples

to obesity. To solve

this

Linking Words

problem, Parents should consider alternative foods or healthy

food

Use synonyms

for

Correct word choice

show examples

options to celebrate.

such

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

fruit or oil-free snacks. These snacks are rich in vitamins and

fiber

Change the spelling

fibre

show examples

This

Linking Words

solution is healthier and

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

a beneficial

Replace the word

benefits

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Moreover

Linking Words

, some people overeat

due to

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mental health issues.

For instance

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, many workers cope with stress by indulging in desserts and milk tea almost daily. Because they believe the sugar can

boot

Correct your spelling

boost

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their energy and the feeling.

Although

Linking Words

, it contains high

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

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of sugar. To address

this

Linking Words

issue, they can switch the activity to work out.

such

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as walking to talk with colleagues

instead

Linking Words

talk

Change preposition

via

show examples

online

Add an article

the online

an online

show examples

platform. Because

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sweat

has

Verb problem

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

beneficially

Change the word

beneficial

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

reducing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

stress.

This

Linking Words

can help them take a break from work and boost their mood.

To sum up

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, On several causes of Obesity. Diet habit is an important issue. We should consider alternative foods to balance our meals.

Additionally

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, exercise is the best option for better health.

Submitted by jeebjib14 on Sun Aug 11 2024

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task achievement

Try to clarify the thesis statement in the introduction. Ensure that it clearly outlines what the essay will discuss.

coherence cohesion

Be mindful of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. They can detract from the overall clarity and flow of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and avoid redundant phrases. Make each sentence meaningful and relevant.

task achievement

You have supported your main points with relevant examples, which help to illustrate your arguments effectively.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a logical structure, and the flow of ideas is generally understandable.

coherence cohesion

Both the introduction and conclusion are present, providing a clear beginning and ending to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

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Obesity is a major healthy problem. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done to solve this problem?

Your opinion

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

some people think it's better to choose friends who always have the same opinions as them. Other people believe it’s good to have friends who sometimes disagree with them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Team/group activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are played alone. To what extent do you agree or disagree？