IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

With the development of social media, more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the Internet in order to meet friends which can cause potentially dangerous situations. What solutions do you suggest?

#development #media #youngsters #access #internet #friends #situations
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Social media is a huge topic to address especially when we talk about younger generations using it. The main problem
this
 causes is kidnapping and the most viable solution is a public awareness campaign warning
people
 about the danger of unsupervised use of social media. The principle problem associated with Hanging out with strangers is Kidnapping.
In other words
, the internet is accessible For any person without filtering whatever the user is mentally or psychologically stable enough to use it. Lots of criminals are choosing their victims through these portals.
For example
, a recent government survey found that 60% of teenagers' sexual harassment is caused by trusting and meeting up with random
people
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Facebook. To tackle
this
 problem the government should launch a publicity campaign in the media and schools to educate
people
 about the danger of meeting unknown humans. Many busy parents nowadays stop checking their kid's usage of apps because they find it restricting the freedom of their children. An awareness campaign could shed some light on
this
 difficult situation and allow
people
 to be more open and honest about it.
For example
, a similar initiative in Japan resulted in a 52% decrease in social crimes
such
 as the rape of teenagers by psychologically diseased persons. In conclusion, not Striking the right balance between protecting Youth and giving them the space to explore is a major issue that can result in misuse of the web.
However
, it can be addressed through educating
people
 about the danger of unsupervised consumption of the internet.
Submitted by wefaq.abdulmajeed on

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying sentence structures to enhance the flow of the essay, making it more engaging.
task achievement
Provide a brief definition of what you mean by "public awareness campaign" to ensure clarity for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all points are clearly connected to the main theme of social media and youth safety, and avoid any deviation.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids in conveying ideas effectively.
task achievement
The use of statistics, such as the government survey and the Japan campaign example, effectively supports your argument and enhances credibility.
task achievement
The essay addresses the problem and offers a solution, showing a good understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsupervised access
  • potentially dangerous
  • educational programs
  • online safety
  • awareness
  • cyberbullying
  • scams
  • parental control tools
  • dialogues
  • privacy and security settings
  • digital literacy
  • trends
  • restrict
  • block
  • inappropriate content
  • screen time
  • verification processes
  • youth-friendly
  • reporting system
  • abuse
  • harassment
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