Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society, so they should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #sports #entertainment #personalities

It has been argued that professional workers,

such

doctors

nurses

and

teachers

, have a massive contribution to society, so they should earn more salaries than people in sports and entertainment.

This

essay attempts to shed light on two main reasons why I totally agree with

this

view.

To begin

with, thanks to the contributions made

Change preposition

show examples

education and healthcare services, those in the aforementioned jobs should be paid more.

For example

teachers

teach their students a variety of subjects at school in order to help them gain knowledge.

This

will lead to an increase in opportunities to apply for a better job in their future careers and become people who are useful to society.

Furthermore

, healthcare providers

also

devote a lot to helping citizens ease their illnesses.

For instance

doctors

and

nurses

play a significant role in treating athletes with some injuries that they may encounter.

Secondly

, professional workers require deep knowledge about their jobs and high responsibilities.

This

is because they are not allowed to make any mistakes in curing patients or teaching learners. Indeed, students have to spend various years at their universities so that they can become

nurses

doctors

, and they must work as interns for 4 years before becoming healthcare providers.

Furthermore

, surgeons have to stand for numerous hours to perform surgery on their patients, which not only requires meticulousness but

also

their endurance

while

working. To talk about

teachers

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

are a type of worker who has to ensure the understanding of their students and the correctness of the knowledge they impart. In conclusion, it is undeniable that professional workers

such

doctors

nurses

and

teachers

can provide many positive contributions to society that I mentioned. So I totally support

this

view.

Submitted by weezel on Sun Aug 11 2024

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task achievement

While the essay addresses the task effectively and provides clear arguments, make sure to elaborate more on specific examples or data to further strengthen the points. For instance, providing statistics or reports can make your arguments more compelling.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next, without abrupt transitions. Adding transitional phrases can also help in guiding the reader more effectively through your essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay provides a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

The main points are supported with relevant examples that are directly tied to the argument.

task achievement

The essay responds comprehensively to the task and presents clear and coherent ideas.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society, so they should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that only those people who have worked for a company for many years should be promoted to a higher position. Do you agree?

Some people believe that governments should not support the arts (painting, music, sculpture) and instead support other areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?