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Band 3

The rise of socila media has affected personal, relationships and society as a whole. Do the advatages of using social media for communication outweight the disadvantages.

#rise #socila #media #relationships #society #advatages #communication #outweight
Last
 two decades
highly
Rephrase
we have
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 developed
the
Correct article usage
apply
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internet based
Add a hyphen
internet-based
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 businesses,
one
Correct word choice
and one
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 of the most popular
sector
Change to a plural noun
sectors
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 is social networking websites
out of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
Most
Add an article
The most
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 considerable topic is that business
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely
impacted
Wrong verb form
impacts
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to
Change preposition
apply
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personal life for
communication
Add an article
the communication
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 process.
While
 there are many benefits
easy
Correct your spelling
ease
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 of
connection
Replace the word
connecting
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each
Change preposition
with each
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 other, and
save
Wrong verb form
saving
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 time and cost of living.
Though
Correct word choice
However
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, sometimes there are downsides like lack of live collaboration
demanding
Replace the word
demands
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 for
Add an article
the addict
an addict
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addict
Fix the agreement mistake
addicts
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in
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on
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social
Add an article
the social
a social
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network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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. Young people
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 social
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
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 vasty, they can
contacted
Change the verb form
be contacted
contact
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 quickly borderless
for
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with
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 only one cellphone.
It's
Wrong verb form
It would be
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fantastic
Correct article usage
a fantastic
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phenomenom
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 if we wouldn't create
an
Correct article usage
the
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 internet.
Obviously
Add a comma
Obviously,
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 they could save a lot of time and money.
For instance
, young couples looking for each other from just
cellphone
Correct article usage
a cellphone
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 application named DATE.
This
 application can
calculated
Change the verb form
be calculated
calculate
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 and
adjusted
Wrong verb form
adjust
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 all of
Add an article
the personality
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personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 new couples. It was useful and customers were satisfied, So
business
Correct article usage
the business
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 developed enough. Social platforms affected worse some people. in
fact
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fact,
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 some young adults couldn't avoid their screen devices.
Therefore
, they can't understand real life or lack of ability to communicate with face to face
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. Even
further
 would be deficient
healthy
Change preposition
in healthy
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 life, because they could isolate themself. In my view, social media is
extraordinary
Add an article
an extraordinary
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 collaboration tool, so we need well organize time to use it.I can continue to find
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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many examples
advantages
Change preposition
of advantages
show examples
social
Change preposition
of social
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 media than disadvantages.
Submitted by nbogey777 on

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task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and outlines both advantages and disadvantages of social media use clearly.
task achievement
You have introduced a relevant example with the DATE application, which adds value to your argument. Including concrete examples helps in illustrating your points more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Geographical boundaries
  • Real-time communication
  • Professional networking
  • Career growth and development
  • Support communities
  • Emotional support
  • Amplification of voices
  • Marginalized voices
  • Advocacy
  • Social change
  • Addiction
  • Mental health issues
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Loneliness
  • Privacy concerns
  • Privacy breaches
  • Misinformation
  • Fake news
  • Societal polarization
  • Superficial relationships
  • Cyberbullying
  • Harassment
  • Emotional and psychological distress
What to do next:
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