Some people say free time activities for children should be organized. Others say that children should be free time to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
society,there is an argument about the
lesiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
for
childern
Correct your spelling
children
. Some people say free
time
activities for
childern
Correct your spelling
children
should be organized by
parents
, others
condider
Correct your spelling
consider
that children ought to choose what is better for them.
This
essay will
analyes
Correct your spelling
analyse
analyze
this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one hand,many
parents
have an idea how should their
childerns
Correct your spelling
children
spend their
time
.
Parents
are
responsiple
Correct your spelling
responsible
in front of society
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
.
Firstly
,they must choose
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
activities that help them
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
education, there are many platforms that have educational games.
Scoundly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
,
parents
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
should improve their
childerns
Correct your spelling
children
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
in their
lesiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
.
For example
,research in China shows that
parents
who
assissted
Correct your spelling
assisted
their family members
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
developing
duting
Correct your spelling
during
their free
time
increased in
last
years. Some
peo ple
Correct your spelling
people
show examples
claim that it is better for
childern
Correct your spelling
children
to choose what they want to do in their free
time
.
However
, many
parents
have no idea how their
childern
Correct your spelling
children
spend
theis
Correct your spelling
their
time
.
For example
,when
childern
Correct your spelling
children
choose how they spend
time
,they will choose to spend it watching television and using mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, television and
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
the main
influance
Correct your spelling
influences
on
childerns
Correct your spelling
children
children's
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
In addition
,it is not their
responsipility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
to choose.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
many
childern
Correct your spelling
children
free
Add a missing verb
are free
show examples
to choose,
parents
should control their choice. In conclusion, there are easy
answer
Fix the agreement mistake
answers
show examples
to
this
question. On balance,
however
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
tend
Add the particle
to belive
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that it is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
essential for
parents
to select any kind of
methods
Fix the agreement mistake
method
show examples
for
theis
Correct your spelling
their children
childerns
to spend their
time
.
Submitted by noodi-9 on

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grammar
Ensure to carefully proofread your essay to correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors. For example, correct misspellings such as 'modren' (modern), 'childerns' (children), 'assissated' (assisted), 'influnced' (influenced), and so on.
structure
Strengthen the coherence within and between paragraphs by using clear topic sentences and transitional phrases. This will help in directing the reader smoothly through your points and arguments.
clarity
Use more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments and make them more convincing. For instance, elaborate on the types of activities parents may organize or detail potential benefits and drawbacks.
task achievement
The essay contains both sides of the discussion and provides a balanced viewpoint while concluding with the writer’s own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The presence of an introduction and conclusion helps in framing the essay well and provides a clear structure.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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