Some people say free time activities for children should be organized. Others say that children should be free time to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #time #activities #children

modren

Correct your spelling

modern

society,there is an argument about the

lesiure

Correct your spelling

leisure

time

for

childern

Correct your spelling

children

. Some people say free

time

activities for

childern

Correct your spelling

children

should be organized by

parents

, others

condider

Correct your spelling

consider

that children ought to choose what is better for them.

This

essay will

analyes

Correct your spelling

analyse

analyze

this

topic from both points of view and express my opinion.

Change preposition

show examples

one hand,many

parents

have an idea how should their

childerns

Correct your spelling

children

spend their

time

Parents

are

responsiple

Correct your spelling

responsible

in front of society

about

Change preposition

for

show examples

their

childern

Correct your spelling

children

Firstly

,they must choose

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

activities that help them

for

Change preposition

with

show examples

education, there are many platforms that have educational games.

Scoundly

Correct your spelling

Secondly

parents

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

should improve their

childerns

Correct your spelling

children

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

in their

lesiure

Correct your spelling

leisure

time

For example

,research in China shows that

parents

who

assissted

Correct your spelling

assisted

their family members

Change preposition

show examples

developing

duting

Correct your spelling

during

their free

time

increased in

last

years. Some

peo ple

Correct your spelling

people

show examples

claim that it is better for

childern

Correct your spelling

children

to choose what they want to do in their free

time

However

, many

parents

have no idea how their

childern

Correct your spelling

children

spend

theis

Correct your spelling

their

time

For example

,when

childern

Correct your spelling

children

choose how they spend

time

,they will choose to spend it watching television and using mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

, television and

Add an article

the internet

show examples

internet

Capitalize word

Internet

show examples

became

Wrong verb form

become

show examples

the main

influance

Correct your spelling

influences

childerns

Correct your spelling

children

children's

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

In addition

,it is not their

responsipility

Correct your spelling

responsibility

to choose.

Althought

Correct your spelling

Although

many

childern

Correct your spelling

children

free

Add a missing verb

are free

show examples

to choose,

parents

should control their choice. In conclusion, there are easy

answer

Fix the agreement mistake

answers

show examples

this

question. On balance,

however

Change the capitalization

show examples

tend

Add the particle

to belive

show examples

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

that it is

Change the article

apply

show examples

essential for

parents

to select any kind of

methods

Fix the agreement mistake

method

show examples

for

theis

Correct your spelling

their children

childerns

to spend their

time

Submitted by noodi-9 on Sun Aug 11 2024

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grammar

Ensure to carefully proofread your essay to correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors. For example, correct misspellings such as 'modren' (modern), 'childerns' (children), 'assissated' (assisted), 'influnced' (influenced), and so on.

structure

Strengthen the coherence within and between paragraphs by using clear topic sentences and transitional phrases. This will help in directing the reader smoothly through your points and arguments.

clarity

Use more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments and make them more convincing. For instance, elaborate on the types of activities parents may organize or detail potential benefits and drawbacks.

task achievement

The essay contains both sides of the discussion and provides a balanced viewpoint while concluding with the writer’s own opinion.

coherence cohesion

The presence of an introduction and conclusion helps in framing the essay well and provides a clear structure.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
45Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

240 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say free time activities for children should be organized. Others say that children should be free time to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people argue that art, such as paintings and music are a waste of money and and the government should spend this money on pubic service To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is traffic on roads. Traffic on roads has become a problem in the world. It is undeniable that cars has become an essential part of our life

In some countries, more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this question?

You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you returned home, you found you had left some important papers at the hotel.

Some people believe that it is good for a country’s culture to import foreign movies and TV programmes. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your opinion.