IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized. Others say that children should be free time to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #time #activities #children
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In
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 society,there is an argument about the
lesiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
Use synonyms
 for
Use synonyms
childern
Correct your spelling
children
. Some people say free
time
Use synonyms
 activities for
Use synonyms
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 should be organized by
parents
Use synonyms
, others
condider
Correct your spelling
consider
 that children ought to choose what is better for them.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
analyes
Correct your spelling
analyse
analyze
this
Linking Words
 topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 one hand,many
parents
Use synonyms
 have an idea how should their
Use synonyms
childerns
Correct your spelling
children
 spend their
time
Use synonyms
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 are
responsiple
Correct your spelling
responsible
 in front of society
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
childern
Correct your spelling
children
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,they must choose
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
activities that help them
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 education, there are many platforms that have educational games.
Scoundly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
,
parents
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
should improve their
Use synonyms
childerns
Correct your spelling
children
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in their
lesiure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,research in China shows that
parents
Use synonyms
 who
assissted
Correct your spelling
assisted
 their family members
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 developing
duting
Correct your spelling
during
 their free
time
Use synonyms
 increased in
last
Linking Words
 years. Some
peo ple
Correct your spelling
people
show examples
 claim that it is better for
Use synonyms
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 to choose what they want to do in their free
time
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, many
parents
Use synonyms
 have no idea how their
Use synonyms
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 spend
theis
Correct your spelling
their
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,when
Use synonyms
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 choose how they spend
time
Use synonyms
,they will choose to spend it watching television and using mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, television and
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 the main
influance
Correct your spelling
influences
 on
Use synonyms
childerns
Correct your spelling
children
children's
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,it is not their
responsipility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to choose.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
 many
Use synonyms
childern
Correct your spelling
children
free
Add a missing verb
are free
show examples
 to choose,
parents
Use synonyms
 should control their choice. In conclusion, there are easy
answer
Fix the agreement mistake
answers
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 tend
Add the particle
to belive
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that it is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
essential for
parents
Use synonyms
 to select any kind of
methods
Fix the agreement mistake
method
show examples
 for
theis
Correct your spelling
their children
childerns
Use synonyms
 to spend their
time
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by noodi-9 on

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grammar
Ensure to carefully proofread your essay to correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors. For example, correct misspellings such as 'modren' (modern), 'childerns' (children), 'assissated' (assisted), 'influnced' (influenced), and so on.
structure
Strengthen the coherence within and between paragraphs by using clear topic sentences and transitional phrases. This will help in directing the reader smoothly through your points and arguments.
clarity
Use more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments and make them more convincing. For instance, elaborate on the types of activities parents may organize or detail potential benefits and drawbacks.
task achievement
The essay contains both sides of the discussion and provides a balanced viewpoint while concluding with the writer’s own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The presence of an introduction and conclusion helps in framing the essay well and provides a clear structure.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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