Most artist earn low salaries and should therefore recieved fundings from government in order for them to continue thier work. to what extent do you agree?
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
artists
obtain low basic income compared to other occupations, Change preposition
of artists
hence
the government
should contribute concerning artists’ long term
work. From my Add a hyphen
long-term
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
this
idea is profoundly true in terms of its social responsibility and productivity.
Transitioning into first
reason, giving Correct article usage
the first
support
to the citizen
is one of the Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
government’
Change noun form
government’s
purpose
, which is Change to a plural noun
purposes
increase
well Fix the infinitive
to increase
being
Verb problem
well-being
the
Change preposition
of the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
it self
, Correct pronoun usage
themselves
this
rule should be apply
one zero tolerance, which Change the verb form
be applied
mean
Change the verb form
means
government
must Add an article
the government
looking
after the Change the form of the verb
look
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
it self
in terms of Correct pronoun usage
themselves
the
well being, Correct article usage
the the
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
government
can provide a plethora of supports, this
could be money, promotion, training and others, however
Add a comma
however,
this
kind of support
can determined
by the industry and the urgent. In Change the verb form
be determined
this
case
artists could be named as entertainers Add a comma
case,
that
need Correct pronoun usage
who
much
money to Correct quantifier usage
apply
support
their career since the equipment and material course could be included as expensive goods.
Secondly
, the develop
country could be determined in terms of the number of Change the verb form
developing
employee
, if the Change to a plural noun
employees
number of
unemployment rate high compared to Correct quantifier usage
apply
Add an article
the employee
an employee
employee
, Fix the agreement mistake
employees
this
could be mean that the rate productivity
is low, Change preposition
of productivity
thus
government
should take action to invest their money to
inappropriate salary job in their country, Change preposition
in
such
as artist
since if the government
give full support
to artist
, the Add an article
the artist
the
point of view public will change and people will not overlook Remove the redundancy
apply
artist
anymore, moreover
they will give positive feedback to itself, Add a comma
moreover,
moreover
it will lead to the enthusiast of buying their creation.
In conclusion, if the Add a comma
moreover,
government
wants the artist
industry to grow gradually, they would have to give
a positive contribution relating to funds. I wholeheartedly suggest that Verb problem
make
government
Correct article usage
the government
also
has accountability to monitoring
the fund itself, Wrong verb form
monitor
hence
financial mismanagement will not happen.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.