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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #gym #membership #summarise #features #comparisons
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The line chart displays the
gym
Use synonyms
membership
Use synonyms
 for both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 between 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, from 1980 to 2005 more
men
Use synonyms
 than
women
Use synonyms
 attended the
gym
Use synonyms
. In 1995 and 2007 there was an increase in
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
gym
Use synonyms
memberships
Use synonyms
. In 1980, the number of
men
Use synonyms
 that
has gone
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 to the
gym
Use synonyms
 was 2000,
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 amount increased to 4000 In 1985, after a little peak
at the end
Linking Words
 of the 80s, the number of
males
Change the noun form
male
show examples
gym
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
membership
Fix the agreement mistake
memberships
show examples
 went down to less than 2000
memberships
Use synonyms
 by 1995. From 1998 to 2006 the male
membership
Use synonyms
 went up reaching 5000
members
Use synonyms
. In 2006 the presence of
men
Use synonyms
 in gyms extremely decreased
just
Change preposition
by just
show examples
 below 800,
members
Use synonyms
 by 2010.
Respect of
Change preposition
With respect to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gym
Use synonyms
memberships
Use synonyms
 started
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 1000 in 1980, after that time the number of females in
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
 started to increase, reaching 2900
members
Use synonyms
 in 1995.
from
Capitalize word
From
show examples
 1996 to 2001
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 went to the
gym
Use synonyms
 until reaching a peak of 2900
members
Use synonyms
 in 2006.
Then
Linking Words
 the female
gym
Use synonyms
membership
Use synonyms
 went down in the 2000s to nearly 2000
memberships
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by daniruspi on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words gym, membership, men, women, memberships, members with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • membership trends
  • male and female comparison
  • notable increase/decrease
  • fluctuations
  • consistently
  • peak points
  • divergent patterns
  • parallels in trends
  • correlation
  • timeframe
  • cultural shifts
  • awareness of fitness
  • significant differences
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