IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #advertisements #products #lives
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Unnecesary
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Unnecessary
 consumption helps popularise new goods that enhance people’s living standards.
Advertisement
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Advertisements
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 online
in
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on
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 social media
is
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are
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 leading people to unnecessary purchases. Advertising is an important and effective means to direct consumers to buy things that have no value. Electronic cigarettes
sucessfully
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successfully
 entered the
commerial
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commercial
 market in the 2000s. It saved many people from tuberculosis and lung cancer.
However
Linking Words
, today, the market has become saturated,leading to fewer
oppotunities
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opportunities
to
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for
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revolutionary
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a revolutionary
the revolutionary
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 product that changes people’s lives. Even with life-changing
products
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,it is difficult to reach customers because advertising channels have been taken over by large corporations and they only want to promote their own
products
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 to everyone who knows and uses their
products
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. I believe that the main purpose of advertisements is to persuade customers to buy
products
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 regardless of their intended uses.
Companies
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 often exaggerate small features of promoted
products
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.
For example
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, leading phone
companies
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 in the world
such
Linking Words
 as
SamSung
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Samsung
 and Apple.
Everytime
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Every time
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 new
products
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 are launched, they will be changed every generation,but the advertisers of these two
companies
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 exaggerate the new features.They
sold
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sell
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 the
products
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 first but don’t care about user experience.
Companies
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 hire
celebritiesto
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celebrities to
 advertise their
products
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 to attract their fans who buy because they love the celebrity and don’t really need the
products
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. In my view, advertising is essential for
companies
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 because it will help
companies
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 become known and trusted by many people if the
products
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 are good quality .
Besides
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,there will be some
companies
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 that will easily go bankrupt because their advertising is not attractive enough to customers or the
products
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 they sell are not reputation.
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task achievement
Strengthen your argument by providing more relevant and specific examples that directly relate to your main points. This will make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay's introduction presents a clear thesis statement, summarizing the key points you will discuss. This will provide a clear roadmap for your reader.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs and ideas within paragraphs. Using transition words effectively can help create a seamless progression of ideas.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear debate on both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You articulated your opinion clearly, supporting it with relevant points, which makes your argument strong.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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