In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised.Do the advantages of raising the retirement age outweigh the disadvantages?
There has been an increase in the retirement
age
in quite a lot of countries which can be advantageous in some aspects. However
, I tend to believe that the consequences of this
circumstance are much more concerning than its benefits which I will discuss further
in the following essay.
It is undeniable that as the retirement age
inclines, the more beneficial it is for the individuals’ finances as more years of work
can allow for increased savings. Moreover
, it can reduce people’s dependence on government pensions and social security as people work
longer as they do not need support from the authorities. Furthermore
, in several countries, some people are actually striving to work
longer because they are actually passionate about it. For instance
, studies on most of the people in Japan after 60 years old shows
that they would have a feeling of uselessness if they have nothing to Fix the agreement mistake
show
work
.
While
the idea of raising the working age
can bring some advantages for some reason, I personally believe that the detrimental results in the long term should not be ignored. Additionally
, this
results in the incline
trend of unemployment rate and economic stagnation because the increase in the time of working can reduce job opportunities for the younger generations as they delay Change the verb form
inclining
the
career advancement and development for young individuals. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, raising retirement
Correct article usage
the retirement
age
can have negative impacts on people’s health as those who do labouring work
in their elderly age
, they
may face physical challenges with demanding tasks, leading to accidents and illness.
In conclusion, Correct pronoun usage
apply
while
the definition of rising workers’ retiring time can be advantageous for some individuals and the economy, its drawbacks outweigh significantly due to
the loss in employment for the younger generation and its risky effect on older workers’ health in the long term.Submitted by document.hanie on
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task achievement
Make sure to provide a clear and detailed explanation of both the advantages and disadvantages, giving equal weight to both sides of the argument.
coherence
Enhance the logical flow between paragraphs by using more transition words and phrases.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your main points.
coherence
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations.
coherence
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow the argument.
coherence
The main points are logically structured and related to the prompt.
task achievement
The language used is appropriate and the ideas are communicated clearly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.