IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #age
The question about
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
age
 to get married still
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 unanswered and controversial to answer, after several decades of research and scientific advancement. The
government
 bodies
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 set the minimum
age
 of 18 to get married, but
one
 part of society believes that it should be moved to 21 and I am going to advocate it. As suggested by some
of
Change preposition
apply
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ancient theories, our teen years shape us and get us ready for the real world. To explain
this
, in most cultures or settings, until the
age
 of 18, youngsters are accompanied by parents and aided by
government
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the government
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 to ease out day-to-day
life
;
whereas
 reality hits after 18, once these two companions step back and leave the teens at their own to survive in
this
 world.
As a result
,
one
find
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finds
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their
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 true being in
early
Correct article usage
the early
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20’s
Correct your spelling
20s
 after learning and adapting
this
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to this
show examples
 fast-paced cruel
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
.
Thus
, to decide effectively,
one
 should be mature and experienced enough to settle down.
Apart from
this
, married
life
 comes with more responsibilities and
one
 needs to be financially independent in order to crack the deal. And,
economical
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economic
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life
 can’t be understood
while
 having
support
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the support
show examples
 of your parents and
government
.
Consequently
, for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 understanding of finance and its
implementation
Add a comma
implementation,
show examples
one
 should have practised in
real
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a real
the real
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 setting.
As a result
, for
smooth
Correct article usage
a smooth
show examples
 married
life
 and better financial health legit
age
 to married must be 21. In my opinion, for the better survival of marriage and in order to lead it happily, the
government
 bodies must move the legal
age
 to get married to 21, after carefully evaluating
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 points.
Submitted by singhrajpreet147 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This can be achieved by using more linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. These can help to create a more thorough and convincing response.
task achievement
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This will help to improve clarity and make your writing more polished.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and relevant argument about raising the legal marriage age to 21.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the argument and provide a clear position on the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
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