IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Consumers are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think are consumers influenced by advertisements? What measures can be taken to protect them?

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Several discussions surround the opinion that customers are suffering from commercial advertising programs from disputing businesses. Meanwhile, societies said the opposite side when people could not be influenced by these programs.
However
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,
this
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 essay will shed light on the matter by showing both sides of the equation have their positives, albeit with a stronger argument supporting the best statement
also
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 the best measures, which will be presented in the next paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, there are a number of justifications to justify why mankind frequently becomes victims
from
Change preposition
of
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 advertising campaigns of companies.
Firstly
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,
advertisements
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 gradually become a main source, helping people to buy things effectively.
However
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, nowadays the markets are going to be saturated,
consequently
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, negatively the opportunities for creating revolutionary inventions, which change mankind’s lives, are reduced.
As a result
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, unnecessary products are
become
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becoming
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 more common, which are profited by companies to take
advantages
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advantage
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for
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of
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 their incomes,
consequently
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, making people
suffering
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suffer
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 from these
advertisements
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.
For instance
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,
Samsung
Correct article usage
the Samsung
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 20 and
also
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 iPhone 11,
which
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apply
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are exaggerated with their tiny features.
Additionally
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,
on the other hand
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, there are several effects, contributing to the opposite side of
this
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 issue.
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As well as
Rephrase
Also
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the
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apply
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censorship is the key
of
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to
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this
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 problem, particularly
there
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because there
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 are agencies which fully take
responsible
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responsibility
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 for adjusting the quality of
advertisements
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, which need to carefully
review
Wrong verb form
reviewed
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 to avoid exaggerating videos.
As a result
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,
this
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 will evade the advertising videos, which
abused
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abuse
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 their customers, persuading them
from buying
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to buy
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 unnecessary items.
For instance
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,
in
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apply
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several social media
such
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 as YouTube and
also
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 Facebook,
which had
Wrong verb form
have
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 their own censorship systems to
avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
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 ridiculous
advertisements
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.
To conclude
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, our choices have their pros and cons as was stated in the previous paragraphs.
However
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, In my opinion, imposing rules by using censorship systems to avoid these issues,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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presented
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
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 more benefits than others.

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coherence cohesion
Try to clearly align each paragraph with a specific point of your argument. For example, the first body paragraph can focus on how consumers are influenced by advertisements, with clear and relevant examples supporting this idea, while the second body paragraph discusses measures to protect them.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction by clearly stating your thesis upfront. A good thesis in the introduction will help guide your writing and maintain focus on addressing the essay question directly throughout your essay.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more deeply. This includes providing more specific examples and explanations to back up your points.
task achievement
Strive for clearer language and ensure each sentence clearly conveys your intended meaning. This helps in maintaining clarity throughout your essay.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address both parts of the question, covering how consumers are influenced by advertisements and measures to protect them.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a conclusion that offers a summary of your opinion, which helps in closing your essay effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advertising campaign
  • celebrity endorsement
  • psychological manipulation
  • emotional appeal
  • targeted advertisement
  • digital marketing
  • social proof
  • peer review
  • consumer trust
  • brand loyalty
  • misleading advertisement
  • government regulation
  • consumer protection
  • media literacy
  • ad-blocker
  • privacy settings
  • informed choice
  • critical thinking
  • marketing tactics
  • consumer awareness
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