IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A close relative of yours is having a birthday lunch next week, but you know you will be working. Write a letter to your boss or supervisor to ask for some time off. In your letter, – explain the situation and why you particularly want to attend the lunch – specify the dates, times and amount of time off you will need – offer to work late or come in early another time to make up for the time

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Dear Mr Rogers, I'm writing to inquire about any possibility
for
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of
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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time off from my job to the biggest birthday party lunch I've ever seen before. As you know my uncle is the owner of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 big football club. And his youngest son who is his favourite is welcoming his 15s birthday party
on
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apply
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next week. So
this
Linking Words
 cannot be the best birthday without our family. Because my dad is
best
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the best
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 uncle to him. But the main reason is not only that. The basic cause is that our whole relatives are gonna be attended to
this
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 lunch. That's why I need to get to
this
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 junket. So I need one day off from my job. My uncle
was
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apply
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once
saying
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said
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 that it
will
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would
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 be on Wednesday. But yesterday he told us he will be on his tour for
friendly
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a friendly
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 football match on Wednesday. In
this
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 case
party
Correct article usage
the party
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 moved to Friday.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
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hand,
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 I didn't forget about work. I can offer you that I will work till
sun
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the sun
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 goes down and I will be here before dusk till dawn. Thank you for understanding. Yours sincerely, Mr Uktamov

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task achievement
Provide more details about the exact times and amount of time off you need to ensure clarity.
task achievement
Use more polite and formal language, particularly when making a request to your boss.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single idea clearly and concisely to improve overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Double-check sentences for grammatical accuracy and avoid colloquial terms like 'junket' when writing formally.
task achievement
The letter clearly explains the reason for the request, showing the significance of the event.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately polite and formal.
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