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Writing Samples
Band 7

The diagram gives information about the process of making carbonated drinks.

The diagram gives information about the process of making carbonated drinks.
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The following diagram represents the process of how carbonated
drinks
Use synonyms
 are manufactured, starting with purification and culminating with distribution of the products to the different market places.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that production of fizzy
drinks
Use synonyms
 comprised with only five main steps: cleaning, heating evaporation and carbonation, mixing, filtering and filling, and
lastly
Linking Words
 packaging.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note that the create of
this
Linking Words
 is simple yet delicate and sophisticate. Starting with the first step, raw
water
Use synonyms
 is underwent cleaning process through both physical and chemical technique by flowing through a filter to remove all of the impurites,
along with
Linking Words
 the
water
Use synonyms
 softener and addition of chemicals to dealt with unwanted ador.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the purified
water
Use synonyms
 pumped through the electric heaters and run along the cooling pipe toward the carbonation tank.
This
Linking Words
 stage is called the heating evaporization and carbonation.
Then
Linking Words
, the mixture of carbonated
water
Use synonyms
 runs toward the mixing tank via a long tube that connected both machine together.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, a large mixing tank filled with carbonated
water
Use synonyms
 is ready to create variety of flavourful
drinks
Use synonyms
 by adding colour, syrup and flavours and mix everything
together with
Linking Words
 the blender inside it. Once mixed, the
drinks
Use synonyms
 will be filtered again before filling into two different type of containers: bottles ot cans.
Lastly
Linking Words
, packaging is the final step where all the carbonated
drinks
Use synonyms
 are packed and distributed to several supermarkets by lorries.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "lastly".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words drinks, water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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