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Band 3

Men and women are different in term of their characteristics and abilities. For this reason, some jobs are better done by men and others by women. Do you agree or disagree?

#men #women #term #characteristics #abilities #reason #jobs
Characteristics and abilities
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 men and
women
 are different,
for
this
 reason, many believe that specific
jobs
 are better done by men and others by
women
. In
this
 essay, I will talk about how I agree with
this
 statement. Recently, labour laws are changing
thus
 allowing
women
 to work
jobs
 that are male-dominated and vice versa.
Jobs
 have
also
widen
Change the verb form
widened
show examples
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 range
Change preposition
apply
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in terms of hiring both genders to do the job.
For example
, nursing is a
women dominated
Add a hyphen
women-dominated
show examples
 job but recently, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a surge of male nurses
due to
 the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 nurses everywhere.
Also
, both genders working in the same working environment fosters a sense of equality.
On the other hand
, many countries
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not allow
women
 to work specific
jobs
 as it is physically and mentally draining.
For example
, in the Philippines,
women
 are not able to work as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
construction
labourer
Fix the agreement mistake
labourers
show examples
 as it is physically draining and can be harmful.
Submitted by estillorericamae on

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task achievement
Your essay does a fair job of addressing the task and presenting your opinion. However, you could strengthen your task response by elaborating more clearly on how specific jobs might be suited to men or women due to their characteristics and abilities. Try to provide more thoroughly developed examples.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but there are some sentences which could be clearer. For instance, 'Jobs have also widen there range as in terms of hiring both genders to do the job' needs to be rephrased for clarity. Avoid minor grammatical errors to improve the clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic logical structure, but it could benefit from a more organized approach. For instance, the final paragraph could conclude the essay effectively by summarizing your points and restating your stance. Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces its main idea.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point you make in your essay is thoroughly supported by relevant and specific examples. For example, when discussing physical and mental draining jobs, you could add more examples or elaborate on how these jobs negatively impact the individuals doing them.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant examples related to male-dominated and female-dominated jobs, such as nursing and construction work.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay fosters a sense of equality by discussing how both genders can work together effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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