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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some educationalists say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a widespread belief that it is important for every child to be instructed in playing a musical
instrument
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. From my perspective,
this
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 approach is productive to some extent, but some other standpoints should be given equal consideration.
Therefore
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, I shall explore both perspectives on
this
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 issue in detail. On the one hand, playing a musical
instrument
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 is of utmost significance for concentration and creativity. What I mean is that it enhances
children
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's cognitive abilities and creativity from an early age. Another advantage is that it serves as a powerful tool for emotional release, significantly reducing stress and anxiety
while
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 boosting self-confidence. To illustrate, studies show that time spent at the keyboard improves mental health: and people who make music experience less anxiety, loneliness, and depression. For these upsides, musical instruments are beneficial for
children
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.
On the other hand
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, I
also
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 disagree that every child should learn a musical
instrument
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, because of their ability level. Despite having studied and practised,
children
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 can not improve their skills. In turn,
this
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 disadvantage can lead to a lack of confidence and motivation.
Furthermore
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, some
children
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 may already be busy with many activities at school, so they do not have sufficient time and energy for music.
As a consequence
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, these
children
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 may feel frustrated, exhausted, and unable to concentrate effectively. In conclusion,
while
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 learning to play a musical
instrument
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 offers significant cognitive, creative, and emotional benefits for
children
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, it may not be suitable for every child
due to
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 differences in ability, motivation, and time constraints.
Therefore
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, despite numerous advantages, a balanced approach should be taken.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you agree only to some extent, but your side is not fully strong in the body.
task response
Add one more clear and real example for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain the weak side more. For example, say why some children cannot learn well, not only that they cannot improve.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some are good, but a few ideas move too fast.
coherence cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea, then explain it step by step.
coherence cohesion
Check small grammar and word form errors because they can make your meaning less clear.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow and the order is logical.
task response
You use an example about music and mental health, which helps support your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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