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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Too much money is spent in maintaining and repairing old buildings, some people think they should be knocked down and give way to modem building. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #buildings #people #modem
There is no denying the fact that some people believe that the government is spending too much money
in
Change preposition
on
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 ancient
buildings
 rather than giving a chance to modern
buildings
.
while
 it is commonly held belief that investing in modern
buildings
 may be more effective. there is
also
 an argument
opposes
Correct pronoun usage
that opposes
show examples
 it. I consider that repairing old
buildings
 has many benefits for the
country
.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
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 ancient
buildings
 attract tourists from all over the world
in other words
 a lot of people love to see ancient structures which
contributes
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contribute
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 to
enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
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 the economy
such
 as the pyramids in Egypt lot of people around the world
loves
Correct subject-verb agreement
love
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 to come there to see the ancient structures
in addition
 ancient
buildings
 teaches tourists the customs and traditions of the
country
for instance
 when I went to Thailand I learned and I respected them more when I went to the temple because they are really proud of it. Another point to consider is that ancient
buildings
 show the real side of the
country
 to be more specific the Great Wall in
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
 is a great example
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 the conditions and circumstances that
china
Capitalize word
China
show examples
 went through one day
moreover
 it helps to remember a town or city’s culture and interesting history so it helps writers or film creators to understand the
country
such
 as the James Bond movie it was filmed in
old
Add an article
the old
an old
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 island in Thailand which led to
improve
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improving
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 the tourism generally in Thailand and specifically in James Bond island. In conclusion, when the government rebuild old
buildings
 it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 to boost the economy in an indirect way by increasing the tourism rate
Submitted by amjadalsamman on

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task achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your stance and outlining the main points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in tenses and improve grammar slightly. For example, 'a lot of people love' should be 'a lot of people love to visit' and 'contributes to enhance' should be 'contributes to enhancing'.
task achievement
Provide a more detailed conclusion that not only mentions economic boosts but also summarizes the key points discussed in your body paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant and specific examples, such as the Pyramids in Egypt and the Great Wall in China, to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The transition between paragraphs is smooth, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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