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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some cities, people prefer riding bicycles rather than drive cars. In some other cities, people choose to drive cars rather than ride bicycles. What are the reasons for their preferences? Which one do you think is a better development?

#cities #people #bicycles #drive #cars #preferences #development
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In several cities, some communities prefer driving motor rather than riding
bikes
. Meanwhile, communities in other cities choose the opposite. In my opinion, there are various reasons that influence their decisions,
such
 as time efficiency, comfort and flexibility. In my view, it's obvious that riding
bikes
 will provide better development. I will elaborate more in
this
 essay. Riding a bicycle is one of the most simple transportation options. It is so powerful in
such
 a big city
that is
 crowded with motor
cars
, with their flexibility,
bicycles
 can go easily on that road.
Furthermore
,
bicycles
 which are slim can be so time-efficient to speed up people's movement, compared to just walking.
Moreover
, by using
bicycles
 regularly, the riders could be healthier because it can be a sport as well.
Also
, The most important benefit of
bicycles
 is their environmentally friendly aspect, it doesn't need any fossil energy that threatens our environment. On another hand,
cars
 bring obvious benefits in the comfort aspect. By using a
car
, we will feel relaxed and safe when we travel to other places.
For example
, we don't need to worry about rainy, sunny, snowy, or whatever the weather is because
cars
 can protect us.
Also
, the
car
 could be a 'walking' storage, we can store many items in a
car
 as their flexibility feature.
Moreover
,
cars
also
Add a missing verb
are also
show examples
 time efficient if we want to go far with many members,
for example
 visiting our
familes
Correct your spelling
families
 outside the city. Yet, the
car
's problem is they need fossil fuels,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the environment. In summary, several features provided are the reason why some people choose to ride
bikes
,
while
 others choose to drive motors. In terms of public development, I think
bikes
 are much better than motors because it's environmentally friendly and can make people healthier.
Submitted by alfianarrizkyp on

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the task and answering both parts of the question. However, it would benefit from more concrete examples and specific details to make the arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are organized logically. However, the paragraph discussing cars could use better topic sentences and transitions to improve overall flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported well, explaining the preference for bicycles or cars.
task achievement
The essay provides solid reasons for why bicycle use could be better for public development, such as health benefits and environmental friendliness.
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