IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many universities graduates cannot find a job in their chosen profession. what factors may have caused this situation and what in your opinion should be done about it?

#universities #graduates #job #profession #factors #situation
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On a large scale , the best scenario is
everyone
Change preposition
for everyone
show examples
start
Fix the infinitive
to start
show examples
 and continue
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 career related to their studying field . Of course , when you spend years
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 some skills about an occupation and
then
Linking Words
 get hired in a non-related job
then
Linking Words
 you
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 wasted your time . At first sight , I will mention the main reason which can make
this
Linking Words
 happen
that is
Linking Words
 the lack of
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 opportunities , almost in all countries it is your choice what to study at
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
 yet there is no guarantee
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 you can find your desired job title . it is a
compatition
Correct your spelling
competition
,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 in popular majors .
For instance
Linking Words
 , These past years computer sciences had too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 volunteers
due to
Linking Words
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of technology usage in people's lives .
As a result
Linking Words
 ,
clearly
Add a comma
clearly,
show examples
 there will be a contest between graduates of computer engineering , And
beside's
Change noun form
besides
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 that , there are a lot of people who join them without a university experience
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 information and
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
. Because of that , there will be definitely some individuals
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 should go after another occupation .
In addition
Linking Words
 to what has already been said , I can think of another reason which is
changing
Correct article usage
the changing
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
a persons
show examples
persons
Change noun form
person's
show examples
 desires and interests . Studying at high educational
leves
Correct your spelling
levels
lives
level
 can take many years and
among
Change preposition
during
show examples
this
Linking Words
 period people can change their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 about their future
professional
Change the word
professionally
show examples
. At
last
Linking Words
 , It is a big responsibility for governments to provide enough chances for persons to find their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 role , As we can see in developed
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 it is easier to get employed in related positions to the university fields and as
an
Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
show examples
evidence
Add a comma
evidence,
show examples
 we can mention the high rate of work
immigrations
Correct your spelling
immigration
show examples
 to these countries .
Submitted by pouria.sharifzad on

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logical structure
Consider refining the structure to improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Each paragraph should clearly support your main argument.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more robust, summarizing the main points more effectively.
relevant specific examples
Try to use more specific and varied examples to better illustrate your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Maintain a consistent tone and style throughout the essay to enhance clarity.
complete response
The essay addresses the topic and provides relevant points, discussing the availability of job opportunities and changing personal interests.
supported main points
Main points such as the lack of job opportunities and changing personal interests are supported with some examples and explanations.
introduction conclusion present
Both the introduction and conclusion touch on the main ideas of the essay, providing a framework for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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