IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

‘Social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter are observed to have more negative effects than positive being more useful for the criminals than others. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#sites #facebook #twitter #effects #criminals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
Correct your spelling
websites
websits
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websites
 like Facebook and
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Twitter
Twiiter
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Twitter
 are observed to have more
Correct your spelling
negative
nagtive
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negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 than positive and
use
Wrong verb form
are used
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 it for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bad
people
 to
do
Verb problem
commit
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 crimes on the
one
 hand , in our increasingly global world
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
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things have been changed. and
one
 of
these thing
Change the determiner
this thing
these things
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,
how
Add a missing verb
is how
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people
comunicate
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communicate
 with each
othes
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other
others
. in the past there wasnt many options to chat with someone it was done only by
write
Wrong verb form
writing
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Correct article usage
a latter
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latter
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letter
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 or
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
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 that person face to face ,
furthermore
, it
was
Verb problem
took
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 take long time to get a response . latterly you can use
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
apps
 or sites to chat with someone or even send him photos or videos or call him . the old methods
to
Change preposition
of
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comunicate
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communicating
 it more
safe
Correct word choice
safer
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 than the new
one
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ones
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. because the person you talk with
cant
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can't
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 reach to your personal
informations
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information
pieces of information
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such
 as your location or your job as long as you
didnt
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didn't
 mention it in your
latter
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letter
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. but in
the
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apply
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modren
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modern
 methods and social
apps
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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one
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anyone
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 can
reach
Verb problem
access
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 to
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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inforamtion
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information
 that you put
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in your BIO account or on your pics . so it
easy
Add a missing verb
is easy
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 to know your location or where
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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you live . so that can
make
Verb problem
cause
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 a lot of problems
to
Change preposition
for
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 you . if someone
want
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wants
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 to hurt you or
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 to steal your house he can know all
what
Change the word
that
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 he
want
Change the verb form
wants
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 to know about you from your social accounts .
on the other hand
 ,
people
shuold
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should
 pay great attention,
that
Correct word choice
and
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 they shouldn't share any personal information on public social
media
 in their accounts unless they make their
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
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 private ,
additionally
 the government should make many pressures to prevent the owners of these
apps
 and sites to let children use
this
Change the determiner
this app
these apps
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apps
 .
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 agree , that
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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apps
 and sites make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crimes
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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 throughout the world . in conclusion ,
the
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apply
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social
media
 have both
the
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apply
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positive and negative
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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 on society , and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly believe it make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crimes easier for
the
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apply
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criminals , and
people
 should be educated
a bout
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about
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 the
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
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when
Change preposition
of when
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 they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have privacy and share
every thing
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everything
show examples
 with
stringers
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strangers
show examples
.
Submitted by jafar22amer on

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task achievement
You've made a good attempt at addressing the topic, but you need to refine your main points and support them with more relevant examples. For instance, you could discuss specific cases where social media has been used for criminal activities.
coherence cohesion
Your essay tends to have some logical jumps between points. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the transitions between paragraphs are smooth and logical. For example, ensure that each idea flows naturally to the next.
coherence cohesion
Maintain accuracy in spelling and grammar. For instance, words like 'nagtive' should be 'negative', and 'communicate' was misspelled as 'comunicate'. Paying attention to such details will make your essay easier to read and more professional.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which provides a structure to your essay. This is essential for maintaining coherence.
task achievement
You've attempted to discuss both the positive and negative aspects of social media, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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