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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all which may be unhealty if eaten too much.

The chart below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all which may be unhealty if eaten too much.
#show #percentages #meals #three #nutrients #unhealty
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Three pie
chart
Fix the agreement mistake
charts
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 illustrate
Use synonyms
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 of
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
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 four different
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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; breakfast, lunch dinner and snacks in the USA.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
this
Linking Words
consumption
Use synonyms
 may
be affect
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affect
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 human
healt
Correct your spelling
health
 if eaten too much. Units measured in
percentage
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
sodium
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percentage
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 contributes mostly at dinner, 43% saturated fat
ratio
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 constituted mostly at dinner too, 37%, added
sugar
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percentage
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 represented mostly in snacks, 42%. To closer look, at breakfast
sodium
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consumption
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ratio
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 comprised 14% per cent, soil fat and added
sugar
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consumption
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ratio
Use synonyms
 made up 16% per cent. At lunch,
Use synonyms
sodium
Correct article usage
the sodium
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consumption
Use synonyms
ratio
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 contributes 29%
percentage
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 and similar to
this
Linking Words
,
saturated
Correct article usage
the saturated
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 fat
consumption
Use synonyms
ratio
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 contributes 26%
percentage
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.
However
Linking Words
, added
sugar
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consumption
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 is less than two other nutrients,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 only 29% per cent during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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lunch time
Correct your spelling
lunchtime
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
sodium
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 and saturated fat
consumption
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 similar if they eat snacks, it is 14% and 21% relatively, despite added
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by berivan_yilmazz on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, sodium, sugar, percentage, ratio with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrient
  • percentage
  • prevalent
  • trend
  • comparison
  • significant
  • noteworthy
  • implications
  • balanced (intake)
  • unhealthy
  • meal times
  • observations
  • habits
  • average
  • highlight
  • analyze
  • draw comparisons
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