IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

To meet the growing needs of food for the increasing population, country should make use of genetically engineered foods. However, some people believe that GM foods are not only unhealthy but affect nature too. Do you agree or disagree about this?

#food #population #country #foods #people #gm #nature
The provided diagram depicts information about the manufacturing system for the production of bread.
Overall
, it can be seen from the diagram that the process by which bread is made is a multistep linear process, which consists of 9 major steps, including managing raw materials, processing, packaging, and so on. Here, several complex equipment
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 involved. In the initial stage of production, various primary manufacturing components are required to
manage
Wrong verb form
be managed
show examples
 technically and
then
, these ingredients go through the scale of measurement in order to maintain the appropriate amount of elements to get the final products. In the following stage, there are some common tasks before moving towards mixing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the dough which are typically mixing up together, blending
as well as
 heating inside the fermentation tank. Afterwards, floor time comes to
makeup
Correct your spelling
make up
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 dough and
sent
Wrong verb form
send
show examples
 them for panning before the final proofing. Ultimately,
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
half produced
Add a hyphen
half-produced
show examples
 bread is required to add some topping for
further
 processing and
final
Add an article
the final
show examples
 product is ready to be packaged at the
last
 moment of the process.
Submitted by mahamudzisan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a clear overview of the bread manufacturing process and describes each stage effectively. However, it would benefit from some specific examples or details that illustrate each step more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Although you have successfully organized the steps in a logical order, the use of linking words could be improved for a smoother flow. Words such as 'subsequently' or 'thereafter' can help connect the stages more coherently.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow the stages of bread production.
task achievement
You followed a systematic approach in describing the manufacturing process, ensuring that each major stage was covered.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: