Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors to take part in major competitions such as Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people say that it would be better to spend this money encouraging children to take up sports from a young age.

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A physical competition can always be an event gathering people in a country together. With the limited budget, it is meaningful to consider how to effectively allocate money to achieve a win-win situation. I reckon that, compared to investing a large sum of capital in preparing competitors a few years before the significant competition, it is more valuable for the government to raise residents' interest in participating in relevant exercises.
This
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essay will prove
this
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perspective by analysing the effects of increasing athletes' general quality in the long term and citizens' health statistics. To start with, encouraging children to take up sports from their childhood dramatically increases the total number of residents participating in certain competitions, which directly enlarges the group of folks who are potentially eligible to be selected to represent their country in major events.
Consequently
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, the players and teams who come from countries that encourage children to participate in athletics possess more competitive skills.
For instance
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, it is well-known that European soccer teams
such
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as Liverpool have provided a great deal of football stars.
In contrast
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, players from China can hardly maintain their performance during the latter part of the game. Since only a small portion of the Chinese are encouraged to learn how to play football from childhood, leading to the phenomenon that the athletes' running speed and duration are much lower, and it is difficult to improve in a short time.
Therefore
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, making the competitions accessible to young people is quite significant. What's more, promoting young people to take part in athletics improves their health level, with the following generations' physical capacity rising responsively as well. In the long run,
this
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approach can effectively increase residents' health data. A case in point is Norway, they have released the policy of "all citizens do exercises" for decades. Children are led by qualified volunteers to go camping around the suburb, with facilities provided by the government inside primary schools. Currently, doing exercise has been part of their DNA, which effectively prevents them from fundamental diseases,
such
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as obesity.
This
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example fully proved that supporting teenagers to participate in sports games benefits future generations physically.
Above all
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, spending more capital to help young citizens approach sports is not only more necessary to prepare for major competitions, but
also
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useful to prevent them from disease. Because of these, the government should invest more money in building infrastructure that supports physical events.

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task response
Make your main idea more direct in the first part. Say very clearly that money should go more to children and less to top players.
task response
Add one short idea for the other side, then explain why you still disagree. This will make your answer feel more full.
task response
Some examples are good, but one example about China is not fully clear or well proved. Use examples that are easy to explain.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape, which is good. Keep this plan.
coherence cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Break them into two shorter sentences.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words with more care. A few places feel too long or not smooth.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each body part starts with one clear main point, then add support, then end the point.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
Your two main body parts both support your view, so your ideas stay on topic.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This is a strong basic shape.
coherence cohesion
Words like To start with, What's more, Consequently, and Therefore help guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
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