IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You need a website for your business, and you would like to ask your friend to build it. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter Include a brief description of your business Explain what you would like to have on the website Provide some ideas on the use of images on the website. Keywords: business; internet

#website #business #friend #description #images #keywords #internet
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I hope you are doing well. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 to show you the excitement of launching my business
website
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. Being a web developer you have made numerous websites
thats
Correct your spelling
that's
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 why I am asking your assistance to develop the
website
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 for my
brand
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. As you are aware
of
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apply
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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I am very Keen
in
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on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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cosmetic products and it was a dream for me to have my own cosmetic business. After too many years of
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
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, I am going to launch
of
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apply
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my own cosmetic
brand
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this
Linking Words
 fall.
Although
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, it is laborious to establish
this
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 business in
the
Correct article usage
a
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high
Replace the word
highly
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 competitive market but
hardwork
Correct your spelling
work
 and dedication can make it happen.
Furthermore
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, selling
the
Add a missing verb
is the
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 toughest profession in today’s era and it needs
lot
Change the article
a lot
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 of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 and pressure. Since
,
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apply
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 advancement in technology provides
great
Add an article
a great
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opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 for
start ups
Add a hyphen
start-ups
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, I decided to sell the products through online platforms
such
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 as
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website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
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,
instagram
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Instagram
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 and youtube. The
website
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 will contain all types of
skin care
Correct your spelling
skincare
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 and hair care products.
In addition
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, discounts and quizzes will be available for customers to build their interest in the
brand
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. I would suggest you
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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make an attractive
website
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 by adding some pictures and graphics which leads to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 captivating and fascinating
website
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 for customers. It would be great if you
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 assist me
to create
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in creating
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 the online site for my
brand
Use synonyms
. Yours truly, Harmeet Kaur
Submitted by harmeetkohli31 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Try to break down longer paragraphs into smaller sections for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to increase readability. For example, 'As you are aware of that I am very Keen in the cosmetic products' can be refined to 'As you know, I am very keen on cosmetic products.'
task achievement
To further achieve a high task response, including more specific details about what images you want on the website and their placement would provide a clearer picture for your friend.
task achievement
A brief mention of your friend’s potential role or contribution can make the letter more engaging and specific.
suitable writing tone
The tone of the letter is friendly and appropriate for writing to a friend.
task achievement
The paragraph on the business description provides a good insight into your passion and hard work, which is very engaging.
coherence cohesion
The closing paragraph clearly states the request, making the purpose of the letter very clear.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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