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Band 5

Every country should have a free health service; even if that means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through this service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#country #health #service #treatments
In
this
 contemporary epoch, it is vital that every nation must provide free
health
services
 to its citizens
for maintaining
Change preposition
to maintain
show examples
 a healthy society.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical
treatments
 are relentlessly expensive
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 some people oppose
this
 viewpoint.
This
 essay will delve into the several reasons behind
this
 statement and will lead to a logical conclusion as well.
To begin
 with, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation is increasing
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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a substantial proportion of humans
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 struck by poverty and cannot
think to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
afford
health
 amenities, which results in
proliferation
Correct article usage
a proliferation
show examples
 in death rates.
Thus
, it is vital to render
health
 facilities to individuals without any cost.
Moreover
, it is a common saying that “
Health
 is Wealth”
hence
, to develop a nation it is necessary that people residing in the country must be healthy so that they can offer their full potential for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
GDP growth.
Therefore
, it is only possible if they receive free or affordable medical
services
.
However
, critics believe in not
to provide
Change the verb form
providing
show examples
 medical
treatments
 at no cost because these are extremely expensive including medicines
as well as
 machines used for
treatments
.
This
 costs high to the government
and
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apply
show examples
put
Wrong verb form
puts
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an
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apply
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unnecessary pressure on the nation and might act as an obstacle in its growth itinerary. In my opinion, it is helpful to extend free
health
treatments
 to people who cannot afford them.
Besides
, it is not important to give free
services
 to every citizen, there must be proper regulations
who
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on who
show examples
 can get benefits from free
services
,
for instance
, levels of income and number of family members, or type of disease that requires treatment. The prominent reason behind
this
 is that it will be a boom for those who honestly
needs
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need
show examples
 help, and it will not benefit those who have
capacity
Change the article
the capacity
show examples
 to afford it.
To conclude
, as per the testimonials mentioned above it is crystal clear that free
treatments
 have various pros for individuals, but they should be provided carefully to those only who need them and cannot
make to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
afford them.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the topic effectively, it could benefit from more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Try to include relevant statistics or real-world case studies to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a recognizable introduction and conclusion. However, be sure to maintain a more balanced and logical flow between your supporting points. Sometimes, the essay feels a bit disjointed.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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