Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others beleve this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
An argument has
araisen
on whether watching Correct your spelling
arisen
televison
, video and computer games have a positive impact on Correct your spelling
television
children
Change noun form
children's
lives'
, or are they inducing a sense of harmfulness in their development. In Correct your spelling
lives
this
essay, I will discuss both the merits and demerits of this
situation and conclude with my own perspective.
On one hand, watching TV can be beneficial in multiple ways as it helps the kids gain more knowledge about other cultures and encourage them be
more engaged in educational channels. Add the particle
to be
Moreover
video and computer games can improve the IQ as it requires a high level of focus and Add a comma
Moreover,
problem solving
skills. Add a hyphen
problem-solving
For example
, My sister learned a lot of advanced vocabularies
Fix the agreement mistake
vocabulary
watching
a Change preposition
by watching
youtube
channel called Emmy's English. The videos she learned from Correct your spelling
YouTube
has
contributed to her academic Correct subject-verb agreement
have
successs
.
Correct your spelling
success
On the other hand
, binge-watching television or addicting to any kind of activities
can have a bad impact on one's life. Fix the agreement mistake
activity
In addition
to that, some video games affect badly on
Change preposition
apply
children
's behaivor
and urge them to act more Correct your spelling
behaviour
agrressive
and hurt other people. Correct your spelling
aggressive
aggressively
Also
, some scientists agreed on the fact that the use of computer
or other devices must be limited for Fix the agreement mistake
computers
children
under ten years old.
In conclusion, due to
the heavy
Correct your spelling
heavyweight
weight
these activities played in my life, and because they are significant and crucial for Add a comma
weight,
children
's improvement. I strongly beleive
they Correct your spelling
believe
shold
be used by Correct your spelling
should
children
but the use must be limited.Submitted by 9500kawther1700 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is a good start. However, the discussion of the merits and demerits could be more balanced and thorough. Try to expand more on the opposing views.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph is focused on a single idea and develops that idea clearly and logically. For instance, you could improve logical coherence by separating the effects of TV, video, and computer games and discussing each one more systematically.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing a stronger conclusion that directly summarises the key points from both perspectives before giving your own opinion clearly. This will help bring a clearer closure to your essay.
task achievement
You have presented both viewpoints, which is essential for this type of essay.
task achievement
The use of relevant specific examples, such as the example of your sister learning advanced vocabulary, adds weight to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the argument well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.