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Band 4

Q: Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#q #people #technology #companies #data #exchange #access #software #outweigh
In the present day, most companies' technology orders personal
data
 for access to software. Some people argue against
this
 trend.
While
 others say it has demerits. In
this
 essay, I will explore some foremost pros and cons.
To begin
 with, there are several advantages which the companies are opting to provide the personal
data
. The primary benefit is easy to manage their profiles and update them. A clear example, many students accomplish skills and acknowledge each year and acquire to update their
data's
Change noun form
data
show examples
personal
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.
In addition
, another possible reason is easy to return documents when they need them.
For instance
, the public people were requested to their professional work and expirest by company.
Therefore
, individuals have the ability to income it.
On the other hand
, there are some impacts associated with personal
data
. First and foremost, some
web sites
Correct your spelling
websites
show examples
 are dangerous and break personal information that leads to blocked accounts. Some articles say; "the community takes care of personal
data
 when they introduce it to the company". To demonstrate more, do not trust to Wibe site . In conclusion, I strongly believe the advantages of providing personal
data
 outnumber the drawbacks.
Besides
 , some people can not distinguish between truth
web sites
Correct your spelling
websites
show examples
.
Therefore
, they should have information and skills in technology before introducing their
data
.
Submitted by lailakhalil3 on

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task achievement
Ensure that you address both the advantages and disadvantages thoroughly. Your essay tended to focus more on the advantages with limited discussion of the disadvantages.
task achievement
Provide clearer, more specific examples to support your points. This would strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy, as some sentences were unclear due to grammatical errors. Better sentence structure would enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs. Use more cohesive devices to link ideas smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is essential for coherence.
task achievement
You provided some valid points highlighting the advantages of providing personal data to technology companies, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • opt to
  • enhanced user experience
  • personalized recommendations
  • user satisfaction
  • streaming services
  • innovate and develop
  • technological advancements
  • artificial intelligence
  • automation systems
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • identity theft
  • financial loss
  • monopolistic behaviors
  • reduced competition
  • data and personalized settings
  • vast amounts of data
  • potential invasion of privacy
  • loss of trust
  • increased dependency
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