IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many areas in the globe depend on tourism as a major source of income. Sadly, tourism might be a source of problem if it is not well managed. discuss the advantage and disadvantage of tourism and give opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many locations in the globe depend on
tourism
Use synonyms
 as a primary source of earning. Sadly,
tourism
Use synonyms
 might be a source of complications if it is not properly organised.
Although
Linking Words
, there are multiple drawbacks to
this
Linking Words
 trend
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I believe it does have more advantages in
comparisons
Fix the agreement mistake
comparison
show examples
 with disadvantages. There are several advantages of
tourism
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Tourism
Use synonyms
 creates huge employment opportunities for unemployed people. Many
tourisms
Correct your spelling
tourists
show examples
 related service
such
Linking Words
 as
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
,
motel
Fix the agreement mistake
motels
show examples
,
tour
Correct word choice
and tour
show examples
guide
Fix the agreement mistake
guides
show examples
 creates lots
job
Change preposition
of job
show examples
vacancy
Fix the agreement mistake
vacancies
show examples
, where people can work part-time or
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
earn money.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can give a better life to their families. Another good aspect is that
tourism
Use synonyms
 is
excellent
Add an article
an excellent
show examples
 way to earn foreign currency. When
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
 tourist comes to a country they need to spend money on different services,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
 accommodation, recreation, food etc., and they need to pay taxes to get these services. By collecting taxes, a country can earn
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount
revenue
Change preposition
of revenue
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Thailand
earn
Change the verb form
earns
show examples
 a huge amount of money from
Use synonyms
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 sector every year.
However
Linking Words
,
Tourism
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some major
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
. The main disadvantage associated with
tourism
Use synonyms
 is that it destroys our environment. To be more exact, tourists sometimes throw harmful
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 nature,
for example
Linking Words
, plastic bags, bottles,
straw
Fix the agreement mistake
straws
show examples
,
polythene
Correct word choice
and polythene
show examples
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 dangerous for soil
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, many endangered animals
dies
Change the verb form
die
show examples
 every year. A prime example of
this
Linking Words
 is that every year many Whales
dies
Correct subject-verb agreement
die
show examples
 because of consuming plastics which was thrown by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists. Another drawback is that
tourism
Use synonyms
 contributes to
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 global warming. People cut down
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
 to make hotels, recreation
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
, amusement
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 and other
Use synonyms
tourism associated
Add a hyphen
tourism-associated
show examples
 services which
is reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 the level
oxygen
Change preposition
of oxygen
show examples
increasing
Correct word choice
and increasing
show examples
 CO2 in our atmosphere.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though there are some notable drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
, it seems to me that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Try to avoid repetition of phrases like 'tourism' and vary your vocabulary to maintain reader interest and improve the stylistic quality of the essay.
task response
Develop the argument further by including more detailed analysis. For instance, explain how tourism can potentially boost other sectors of the economy.
general
Ensure the use of accurate grammar and punctuation. Proofreading can help you catch minor errors that might distract the reader.
structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which help in maintaining coherence and cohesion.
task response
You included relevant and specific examples, such as the situation in Thailand, which adds credibility to your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: