IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many areas in the globe depend on tourism as a major source of income. Sadly, tourism might be a source of problem if it is not well managed. discuss the advantage and disadvantage of tourism and give opinion

#areas #globe #tourism #source #income #advantage
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Many locations in the globe depend on
tourism
 as a primary source of earning. Sadly,
tourism
 might be a source of complications if it is not properly organised.
Although
, there are multiple drawbacks to
this
 trend
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I believe it does have more advantages in
comparisons
Fix the agreement mistake
comparison
show examples
 with disadvantages. There are several advantages of
tourism
.
Firstly
,
Tourism
 creates huge employment opportunities for unemployed people. Many
tourisms
Correct your spelling
tourists
show examples
 related service
such
 as
hotel
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hotels
show examples
,
motel
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motels
show examples
,
tour
Correct word choice
and tour
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guide
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guides
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 creates lots
job
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of job
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vacancy
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vacancies
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, where people can work part-time or
full time
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full-time
show examples
 and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
earn money.
As a result
, they can give a better life to their families. Another good aspect is that
tourism
 is
excellent
Add an article
an excellent
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 way to earn foreign currency. When
foreign
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a foreign
show examples
 tourist comes to a country they need to spend money on different services,
for
instance
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instance,
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 accommodation, recreation, food etc., and they need to pay taxes to get these services. By collecting taxes, a country can earn
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount
revenue
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of revenue
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.
For example
, Thailand
earn
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earns
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 a huge amount of money from
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 sector every year.
However
,
Tourism
also
have
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has
show examples
 some major
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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. The main disadvantage associated with
tourism
 is that it destroys our environment. To be more exact, tourists sometimes throw harmful
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
in
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into
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 nature,
for example
, plastic bags, bottles,
straw
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straws
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,
polythene
Correct word choice
and polythene
show examples
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 dangerous for soil
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
animal
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animals
show examples
.
As a consequence
, many endangered animals
dies
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die
show examples
 every year. A prime example of
this
 is that every year many Whales
dies
Correct subject-verb agreement
die
show examples
 because of consuming plastics which was thrown by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourists. Another drawback is that
tourism
 contributes to
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 global warming. People cut down
forest
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forests
show examples
 to make hotels, recreation
centre
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centres
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, amusement
park
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parks
show examples
 and other
tourism associated
Add a hyphen
tourism-associated
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 services which
is reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
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 the level
oxygen
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of oxygen
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increasing
Correct word choice
and increasing
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 CO2 in our atmosphere.
To conclude
, even though there are some notable drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
tourism
, it seems to me that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by mahamudzisan on

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general
Try to avoid repetition of phrases like 'tourism' and vary your vocabulary to maintain reader interest and improve the stylistic quality of the essay.
task response
Develop the argument further by including more detailed analysis. For instance, explain how tourism can potentially boost other sectors of the economy.
general
Ensure the use of accurate grammar and punctuation. Proofreading can help you catch minor errors that might distract the reader.
structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which help in maintaining coherence and cohesion.
task response
You included relevant and specific examples, such as the situation in Thailand, which adds credibility to your writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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